


Across Time and Space

by scifiwritergirl



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifiwritergirl/pseuds/scifiwritergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chekov travels back in time to save Leonard McCoy's life.  While there, he meets 17 year old McCoy, and the two boys form a bond that can never be broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to have multiple chapters, so bear with me. I've been writing nonstop trying to pump out the entire storyline, so I promise updates are coming.

The realization came slowly, hesitant in the vast darkness of space.

_“Russian wiz-kid, what’s you’re name?  Chanko?  Cherpov?”_

McCoy’s memory struggled to form.

_“Ensign Chekov, _Pavel_  Andreievich _, sir,” the boy had reported dutifully.__

_It hurt to remember the past._

_“Fine.  Chekov, Pavel Andreievich, begin ship-wide mission broadcast.”_

_Admiral Pike didn’t even know who he was talking to.  Sulu didn’t know who he shared a console with.  Jim didn’t know who he had hired as navigator.  Even Bones himself refused to accept the boy’s identity._

_“Wait a second, kid.  How old are you?”_

_“Seventeen, sir!” he’d boasted happily in his sweet Russian accent._

_“Oh, good, he’s seventeen.”  McCoy felt himself beginning to feel sick.  He couldn’t look Pavel in the eye._

_‘No, it’s too weird.  It’s a coincidence.  That’s all, just a coincidence,’ he thought.  Pavel blinked unassumingly up at him.  ‘The world’s just too damn small.  I’m sure tons of kids are named Pavel Chekov in Russia.  It’s probably a name like John Smith.  Generic.  Typical.  The age is just a coincidence, too.  No way it’s him.’_

About one  month later the boy approached him in sick bay.

_“Sir?”_

_“Leonard,” he corrected instinctively, immediately biting his tongue._

_The young boy hesitated.  “Yes, sir…  I mean, Leonard.  I have just been sent down by the Captain….  He wanted me to fetch him some…” the boy blushed nervously.  “I mean, they are not for me.  I just- I think he wanted to…”_

_Leonard’s heart pounded in his chest when Chekov said his name.  ‘Damn it,’ he thought.  The flush of red on the boy’s pale face was unmistakably endearing._

_“I got it, I got it.”  He reached into a cabinet and pulled out a bag.  “Tell the Captain next time that he can come and get his_ own _damn condoms instead of embarrassing the youngest ensign on the Bridge.”_

_The pink began to spread to Chekov’s ears.  Jim was probably laughing his head off about this somewhere, watching through the ship’s security feed.  McCoy suddenly felt angry with Kirk’s practical joke._

_“Yes, sir….  Thank you, Leonard.”  The boy scurried away in embarrassment._

_Leonard closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  His hand still tingled where he had brushed Pavel’s skin during the exchange.  ‘No,’ he thought.  ‘Don’t you dare get sentimental.  That was in another world.  Another life….  This is a different boy.  You can’t just go falling for some poor kid just because he reminds your ex.  You’re old enough to be his dad.  Don’t be a pig.’_

_He swore quietly under his breath, and for the rest of the day, he refused to think of Pavel Chekov at all._

At first it was easy for McCoy to ignore Chekov’s presence.  He was just some dumb kid after all, even if he _was_ the brightest and youngest ensign to graduate from Starfleet Academy.  

McCoy kept to his quarters when he wasn’t on shift.  It was easier to be alone than it was to pretend he was listening to others.  He just sat in solitude and drank.  And little by little, he found himself drinking more often, occasionally sneaking in a few glasses during his medical shift.

No one noticed this habit.  Or if they did, they certainly didn’t care.  He spent the nights sitting up for hours, drinking amber whiskey from his tumbler and thinking alone in the silence.  No matter what was on his mind when he poured the glass of whiskey, Bones’ thoughts always focused on the past within the first few sips.

_‘It’s cruel,’ he thought, swirling the liquid in its glass.  ‘But I suppose it’s what I deserve.’_

He thought back to his failed marriage, his abandoned family, his old naivety.  He used to believe that love would last forever, but now the only person who cared about him was his annoying, half-wit, reckless best friend, who honestly spent more time joking around than showing any kind of concern.  Even the nickname Kirk gave him made a joke out of his pain:  _Bones_.  As though the fact that McCoy had been unattached and homeless was something to shrug off or laugh about.

He’d swallow the last half of the cup in one swig, ignoring the burn of alcohol in his throat as he poured himself a second.  By the third glass, his mind migrated from the present to his ex-wife to his first love.

McCoy had his first love was when he was seventeen.  He had dated before that, but never for long enough to grow attached.  He dated people here and there, but within a few weeks, he’d always grow tired of them and go back off on his own.  It was just easier that way.

When he first fell in love— _really_ in love—it was with a new boy in town, a boy named Pavel, from Russia, who seemed to immediately take an interest in him.  He was quiet but earnest, and perhaps the most sincere person Bones had ever met.  In time, Leonard learned that he was a bright, enthusiastic young boy who loved nothing more than the stars and sky and his own imagination.

This boy’s smile could brighten rooms, and his blue eyes were always wide with interest and curiosity.  And though he spoke with the careful conviction of an adult, his young body fit perfectly into McCoy’s when they laid together.  They’d mutter sweet sentiments under the stars and dream up possibilities of their future, hands intertwined as they kissed and whispered and laughed.  In a hushed tone, McCoy swore he’d never leave his side.  They’d be together until the end of time.  This young boy, Pavel Chekov, would smile at the to-be doctor and promise the same.

 _“Forever,”_ he’d promised, placing a soft kiss on Leonard’s lips.

 

A year later, the boy disappeared.  It was four days before their anniversary, but they’d exchanged gifts early, too excited to wait for celebration.  The boy had given him a necklace, a rough, uncut amethyst strung on a black chord.

_“I know it does not look like much, but it is a gemstone.  See, it does not look very nice on the outside because it has not been cleaned and faceted, but it’s still very pretty on the inside.”  Pavel turned it over in Leonard’s hands, revealing a carved out portion of  the stone.  “See?  You can tell that it is layered.  On the outside it is worn and tired from sediment, but inside… inside it is beautiful and sparkles with light.”_

_The boy cupped his hands around Leonard’s and looked into his eyes._

_“I want you to always remember that.  Even if you get tired and worn out, you will always be beautiful  on the inside.”_

_“It’s- it’s wonderful, Pavel.  It’s perfect.  Thank you.”_

_Pavel raised his eyebrows a bit in the center.  “I want you to keep it forever.  Can you promise me?”_

_“Of course.  Of course I will.  I promise.”_

_Pavel wrapped his arms around Leonard and held him tight.  “Good.  And I promise I will always wear mine,” he swore as he smiled quietly at his hand-woven bracelet.  “I will keep it forever.”_

Leonard kept his promise.  Even when he went looking for Pavel, and found no sign of a struggle.  Even when he went to the police and filed a missing persons report.  Even when anniversaries came and went, and Pavel’s case went cold.

They never found a body.  They never found a clue.  Leonard McCoy had come to believe that his true love was dead, but never had the closure of knowing for certain.

After all these years, he hung the chord and amethyst beside his mirror.  And although, after all this time, he could no longer bear to look at it, it became a remnant of his past he thought about daily.

 


	2. Desperate Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of this chapter is a little sloppy and needs some serious stylistic editing, so try to stick it out. I'm really exhausted right now and I will edit this tomorrow.

When McCoy returned to his shift the next day, he was only moderately hung over.  He sipped at his coffee and glared at the light.  Jim was waiting for him at the door.

“Bones.  We just got a report from Starfleet.”  His voice was grave.

“Cut the suspense, Jim.  Just tell me the bad news.”

“You’re, um… Well, they’ve noticed this trend of…”

“What, man?  Spit it out,” McCoy snapped, already wishing his coffee contained alcohol.

Jim’s eyes pleaded with him, wide and perfectly round.  His bold and cocky facade was gone.  “Bones…  I think you’re in danger.  We need to do a scan.”

“A scan?  What for?”

“A- it’s like a genetic disturbance.  Like a mutation.  Starfleet didn’t know it existed until a few days ago.  It makes you sick, Bones…  It makes you really sick.”

“Why would I have it?”

“Because,” Jim blinked back tears, “in the past two months, it’s killed a massive proportion of people from your home town.  They haven’t figured out what causes it, but… the mutation has already affected eighty-three percent of the people who grew up there between ages twenty-five and forty.”

Bones scrunched up his face and tried not to think about his ex-wife.  He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek to keep himself focused. “How will you know if I have it?”

“The mechanical algorithms have just come in.  I had Scotty re-program one of the tricorders to detect the abnormality.”

Silence grew between them.

“Bonesy?”

“Just do the scan.”

“Are you okay?”

McCoy glared in response.  His friends, his family, the people who went to his school; they were all dying.  Deathly ill, at the very least.  He folded his arms across his chest and breathed in deep.  He didn’t even fear for his own life.  He just mourned the death of a thousand unnamed Georgians whom he may have known in his youth.

“Do the scan.”

Kirk stayed by his side and watched the nurse come forward with a tricorder, protectively hovering over the silent doctor.

“The analysis is complete,” the nurse said quietly.  “I’m sorry, doctor….  You’re already in stage two of the mutations’ manifestation.”

“What’s stage two?”

“A significant change in neurotransmitter levels and hormones….  Stage one is dormant, stage two is the neurotransmitters, stage three is the illness, and stage four… stage four doesn’t last long.”

McCoy looked away, reminded of every friend he’d had in high school, every girl he’d flirted with at parties, every asshole who’d bullied him on the playground.  They were all as good as dead now, from what Bones could fathom.  He didn’t speak.

“We’re gonna find a way to save you, Bones.  I swear to god.  We’re gonna get you out of this,” Jim promised desperately.  “It’s gonna be okay.”

The doctor shook his head slowly, focusing on a single speck on the ground to avoid looking Kirk or the nurse in the eye.  “No,” he managed quietly.  “It’s not going to be okay….  How long do I have?”

“Until stage three… a couple of days.”

“And stage four?”

“About…”  the nurse paused to blink away tears.

“How long until I’m dead, damn it?!”  McCoy’s eyes were lit with fear and rage and desperation.

“Two weeks,” she tops.  “Tops.”  The nurse turned away and began to cry.

“Don’t cry _me_ a river.  It won’t do a deadman no good.”

She started to cry harder and excused herself from the room, leaving James and McCoy in silence.

“Go ahead then.”  Bones’ voice was harsh and bitter.  “Tell me your brilliant plan to save me.  Tell me how you plan to reverse this whole thing in some half-brained, irresponsible, reckless fucking adventure,” he spat.

Jim didn’t respond.  He just stood in silence, hand resting on the back of McCoy’s chair, letting his eyes well up with tears.

“Look who’s speechless now.”  He shook his head.  “Go fucking figure.  When the time comes to say something important, you can’t even look me in the eye and say goodbye.  I’m dead, Jim!  Dead as a doornail.   And you’re just standing there like a big oaf trying not to cry.  A lot of good you are.”

James left  the room silently, reminding himself that Bones was ill, his body was rejecting the mutation, he didn’t have control over his temper.  He reminded himself that Bones was grieving and didn’t mean those things.

He pulled out his communicator.  “Kirk to Spock.  I need your help.  It’s urgent.”

“What do you need, Captain?”

“I need you to research the G1-7 mutation that we were informed of by Starfleet.  I need you to figure out a cure…    Before the week is up.”

“Sir, the odds of one man finding the cure within a week are highly improbable.  Especially when human scientists have been without a solution for months.”

“Try, Spock.  Please.  You have to try.”

Kirk could hear Spock’s gears turning at a mile per minute.

“I will assemble a group of our most highly trained officers.  We will see what we can do.”

“Thank you, Spock.” 

Jim sent a com message to Sulu, telling him to put the _Enterprise_ in orbit around the nearest vacant planet.  The ship’s current mission could wait.  More important things needed to be done.

 

 

Spock’s crew consisted of himself and twenty-five crew members, each skilled in a particular field of study and given a very specific detail to research.  Uhura and five intelligent ensigns focused on the task of gathering data, statistics, and victim demographics, and passed the information on to Spock, who calculated probabilities and connections between the victims.  Sulu and four assistances triangulated the origin of the disease and mapped out patterns.  Nurse Chapel and eleven medical and science assistants poured over lists of chemical compounds and scientific research papers, hypothesizing possible solutions and causes of the mutation.  In the corner of the room, Scotty and Chekov sat deliberately, typing chemical reactions and solutions into a simulation program they designed.

Every day, Kirk stood and watched over the research proceedings, ensuring that no moment was wasted among the crew.  His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, but day in and day out, he stood watch regardless.  On the fifth day, Pavel jumped out of his chair in excitement.

“Sir!  Mr. Spock!  I might be on to something!”

Spock and Kirk were at his side in a heartbeat.

“It is not a retroactive cure, so to speak, but it is at least a lead.”  He showed them his process and biological findings.  “See, Captain, this particular combination of chemicals, if ingested regularly, would protect against this mutation occurring.”

Kirk applied pressure to his forehead and temples.  “Okay.  Good.  So basically a vaccine.  But what about for someone who already has it?”

Chekov looked down hopelessly.  “We are close….  We have a lead.  We are close, but we just can’t find the cure.  I’m not sure we can do it under this much pressure and speed, sir.”

Kirk shook his head heavily and turned away, leaning his head on the wall and pounding his fist against it.  “God damn it.  God damn it, Bones.”  Tears began to flow freely from his eyes.  “I can’t do this.  I can’t do this anymore.  I need to go talk to Bones.”

On his way out, Commander Spock caught him by the hand and looked into his eyes.  “Jim, you cannot give up hope.”  He wiped a tear from the Captain’s face.  “Please.  I may have an idea.”

“What could you possibly do, Spock?  We don’t have time.  Bones has no _time_.”

“Captain, I think _time_ is precisely the key.”


	3. Stranded

“This is crazy,” Bones scoffed.  “You make time travel sound like a piece of cake.  It’s not a nice walk in the park!  This mission could tear this boy’s molecules apart piece by piece.  ’Could leave him a lifeless lump of flesh on the streets of Atlanta!”

Pavel glanced at him nervously.

“Don’t listen, Chekov.  We’ve tested this tons of times.  You know that.  He’s just drunk and angry.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Run through the mission parameters one more time.  I know you know them, just humor me.”

“Yes, Captain,” he assured.  “I travel to the year 2244, Atlanta, Georgia, and place _this_ device in their water treatment plant.  This device will then distribute low levels of the vaccine into the water supply once a month for the next seven years.”

“And then?”

“And then I call you on my trans-temporal communicator, and you bring me back, safe and sound,” he recited.

“That’s right kid.  You’re a star,” Kirk smiled sadly.

Chekov turned to McCoy.  “Don’t worry, doctor.  I will stop this from ever happening.”

“Yeah, okay, kid.  Give it the old Starfleet Academy try.”

Chekov’s eyebrows peaked slightly in the center of his forehead, giving him the appearance of a kicked puppy.  “Sir,  I _will_ bring the device, and I _will_ prevent this.  I promise you.”  The poor kid looked so sincere and so determined, McCoy almost believed the Russian prodigy.  Then, with a grimace, Bones recalled the last time a sweet, young Russian made him a promise.  “I promise you, Leonard,” Chekov repeated for emphasis.

McCoy’s blood ran cold and he looked away, fighting back the memories that the boy induced in him.  This Pavel was just so similar, so strikingly reminiscent, to _his_ Pavel.  The Pavel he’d once held in his arms so loyally.  The Pavel who would have risked everything for him had he not disappeared in a sudden heart-snapping instant.

“What year… did you  say you were going to?” Bones’ voice was suddenly hoarse, and it cracked like a crusted wound.

“The year 2244.  Atlanta, Georgia.”

McCoy’s face drained of all color.

“Twenty-two forty-four,” he repeated slowly, sounding out each syllable.  “My senior year of high school.”

He looked up, finally able to search the ensign’s soft blue eyes.  “I was seventeen,” he whispered as warp energy began to envelop Chekov.  “I was seventeen!”  Tears began to flow from his eyes relentlessly.  By the time Chekov had fully disappeared, McCoy’s body had slumped to the floor and his breathing came out in disbelieving gasps.

Jim rushed to his side.  Bones looked up, tears streaming down his face.  His smile so wide and overjoyed that his cheeks ached from strain.  “Did you hear that Jim?!  Seventeen!  I was seventeen!”  He choked out an incredulous laugh.  “Seventeen,” he whispered, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.  “He’s alive!  He’s alive, and we’re _together_!  We’ve been _together_ all this time!  He meant it.  He really meant it.  He doesn’t even know yet….”  McCoy’s tears turned into bubbling laughter.  “ _Forever_ , Jim!  Can you believe it?  He’s been here.  All along, and I didn’t even know.  I should have, though….  I can’t believe it.  It all makes sense now!”  His overwhelmed laughter became manic with joy.

James silently helped McCoy to his feet and supported his weight.  “Christine,” he said quietly.  “Please take Dr. McCoy to the med bay immediately.  He’s… He’s reaching stage three.”

“The water treatment plant, Jim!  Don’t you get it?  It’s right next to the garage!  _Everything_ makes sense!”

“Yes, sir.”  Nurse Chapel supported McCoy’s body.  “I’ll give him a sedative when we get there.”

The captain blinked back anxious tears.  “Take care of him.”

As Christine made her way down to sickbay, McCoy’s delirious exclamations faded down the hallway.

“Establish communication with Ensign Chekov, Mr. Scott.”

“Yes, sir.  Opening trans-temporal communication waves now.”

 

 

When Chekov opened his eyes, he was blinded by summer sun.

“Chekov?  You there?” came the commander’s voice from his pocket.

“Yes, Captain.  The transport went according to plan.”

“Good.  We’re sending you global positioning coordinates now.  You should only be about a mile from the treatment plant.”

Ensign Chekov stepped out of the shade and into the of Georgia heat, heading east to the outskirts of the city.

There was a small mechanic shop beside the water treatment facility.  A handsome dark haired boy emerged with a toolbox in hand and promptly set to work on the engine of a D-7 shuttle flyer.

Chekov focused on the treatment plant and found an easy way to get inside, relieved to get out of the crippling heat.  When he attempted to activate the vaccination device, however, it short circuited.

“ _Yob_ ,” he cursed in Russian.  “ _Nyet, nyet, nyet!_ ”

A door opened and closed in the distance.  “Hello?” a woman’s voice called.  Chekov snuck out, device in hand, still cursing his luck.

“How’s it coming, Chekov?” came the Captain’s voice from his communicator again.

“I have hit a slight speed-bump with the activation, Captain.  I have to do some minor maintenance, but I promise I will fix it!”

 

When Leonard looked up, Pavel was panting heavily, sweat drenching the layers of his yellow Starfleet uniform.

“You alright?” he asked, wiping engine grease from his hands.  It was a pointless attempt at cleanliness, though, as he’d somehow managed to smear black grease on his face and arms in the process.

Pavel nodded, his curls bouncing tiredly around his face.  “Do you have any insulated copper wire?”  His accent was nearly impossible to understand.

“Do I what?”

“Copper wire,” he panted.  “I need insulated.  This machine… she shorted out.”

“Here.”  He threw the foreign boy a spool of wire.  “If my old man asks, you paid for that yourself.  He doesn’t like me giving away things for free.”

“Thank you.  It is very generous.”  Pavel sat down on the floor of the garage and began to inspect the machine.  McCoy handed him set of tools, and watched him get to work.  Chekov’s fingers moved nimbly with the tools and the machine was stripped of it’s outer cover in no time.

Leonard watched the boy curiously, and then went inside the shop, emerging with a tall glass of water.  Pavel accepted graciously, and Leonard watched the boy chug the entire thing down in one shot.  He was sweating bad, probably not used to this heat.  Leonard reasoned that he must be from Germany or Denmark based off the accent.  Still, even sweating and red-faced, the kid was kind of cute.

“I’m Leonard, by the way.  Leonard McCoy.”

Pavel looked up, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“You okay?”

“Yes, sir!  I mean… Leonard.  I’m just…  I have a friend back home named Leonard, as well!”  He laughed nervously, trying to seem nonchalant.

“Where’re you from?”

“Russia… but I travel a lot.”

“I’ll say!  You don’t look accustomed to this heat.  What’s your name?”

“Pavel.  I am Pavel Chekov.”  He said a silent prayer that he wouldn’t alter the future by stating his identity.

“Well, Pavel Chekov, I’m pleased to meet you.”

There was a pause, and Chekov went back to rewiring his instrument.

“You know, you look pretty young to be Starfleet.”

“Yes, I have heard that one before.”

“It’s not a bad thing.  What are you, nineteen?”

“Seventeen.”  Pavel knew he was being too forgiving with the age estimation.  People on the Bridge (including Dr. McCoy, usually) often teased that he looks no more than twelve on a good day.

“Damn, good for you.  You must be one of the youngest Starfleet officers ever.”

Pavel tried to conceal a sheepish smile.  “I am not yet an officer, although someday perhaps I will be.  I am just an ensign now.”

“Ever been out to see the stars?”

Pavel laughed.  “I’ve seen a few things.”

Leonard went back to working on his D-7 engine, and shortly a customer appeared.

Placing a hand on Pavel’s on the arm, he said, “I’m going to have to push in this guy’s shuttle.  Might want to get out of the way.”

As Leonard began pushing in the lifeless two-passenger flyer into the garage, Pavel gathered his machine and tools, moving them to a nearby workbench.  The ensign turned back in time to hear a pathetic _‘crunch’_ sound as the two-and-a-half ton shuttle rolled over his trans-temporal communicator.

A helpless whimper escaped his lips, and his face turned ghostly pale.

“What was that?”  Leonard asked, looking under the shuttle.

Chekov hadn’t even realized it fell out of his pocket.  He thought he’d had it with him when he moved the vaccination machine.

“Oh,” Leonard held up the two halves of the severed communicator.  “Damn it….  I’m sorry, man.  This is my fault.  I’ll buy you a new one.”

Chekov shook his head mechanically, a distant, pained expression on his face.  “ _Nyet…”_ he whispered.“There is no replacement.  I am trapped.”

His eyes darkened as he realized what this meant.

“I have nowhere to go.  I have no way to go home.”

Leonard didn’t understand what made this communicator so special, but he understood the gravity of Pavel’s expression.

“I’m so sorry, man.  I didn’t know….  You can…  If you need somewhere to stay, you’re welcome to stay here.”

“ _Dah,_ ” Chekov nodded sadly.  “I think I may have to.”


	4. Caring Isn't a Job

For days, Chekov moved about the McCoy household in a blank trace.  Nothing seemed real.  Nothing seemed right.  His expression of unfaltering dismay ate away at Leonard, whose guilt had begun to eat away at him.  Sometimes he caught the young ensign staring off into the night sky longingly, like he was trying to wish himself away from this place.  Leonard would catch him staring unblinkingly at the hydroclock, waiting for something, as if expecting someone to come and deliver him.

“Here,” the dark haired boy announced proudly, sliding a platter of biscuits and gravy in front of Pavel.

“It smells good.”

Leonard smiled brightly, hoping his guest would be pleased.  “I thought you might want a proper meal.  You haven’t been eating much lately.”

Pavel just watched the plumes of steam rise from the table.

“It’s my own recipe,” Leonard added, sounding far less confident.  “It’s pretty good, I think.  I won a ribbon for it at the county fair.”

For a boy living so near to the city, McCoy was country through and through.  His dad taught him to work on a farm at the age of six, but the McCoy’s moved to a town closer to Atlanta in hopes of finding Leonard a better school.  Mr. McCoy said Leonard was destined for great things, but Leonard usually missed the laid-back country life he once knew.

Pavel feigned a smile.  “An award?  It must be very good, then.”

Leonard smiled hopefully, and Pavel finally obliged out of guilt.  His appetite was nonexistent, but he raised a forkful to his mouth.  It really _was_ delicious.  After a few bites, the emptiness in his stomach became apparent and Pavel shoveled the food greedily into his mouth, while Leonard watched with a smugly satisfied expression.

The kid was definitely cute, occasionally spilling bits of gravy in his sudden hunger.  His hair was disheveled from sleeping on the floor and he wore a black t-shirt that Leonard had lent him.  The shirt was too big for his slender frame, but somehow it suited him, made him look like he was just a normal kid eating breakfast at home on a Saturday morning.  Pavel hadn’t found the time or credits to go shopping for new clothes.  Leonard didn’t mind.  He liked the way Pavel looked in the baggy, borrowed clothing.

Leonard ran his fingers through his dark hair and smiled.  “Nothing like some good ol’ comfort food to cheer you up, huh?”

Pavel stopped and looked down sadly.  ‘Shit,’ Leonard cursed internally.

“It does not erase my distance from home, but it does make me feel a little better.  Thank you, Leonard.”

His eyes shone with sadness, and Leonard wanted nothing more than to ease the pain he’d caused.

“I had better go shower,” Pavel said quietly and excused himself from the table.

 

Pavel knew that Leonard was consumed by guilt.  His good nature made it impossible to forgive himself for causing Pavel’s misery.  However, at the same time, Pavel hated himself for letting McCoy feel guilty for a mistake, even though the mistake had basically ruined his life.  Every day, Pavel waited expectantly, hoping that Kirk or Scotty or Uhura would come beating down the door and rescue him.  Sometimes he went on long walks, traveling from the treatment plant, to the place of his teleportation, to the treatment plant, and back.  Over and over, he’d make this journey, in hopes of running into one of his crew.  Four days had passed, and he wondered if they’d abandoned him.  Maybe they thought he’d run away.  Perhaps the temporal parameters for each location were unequally distributed; what was experienced as one week for Pavel might only be hours on the _Enterprise._  

He took off his shirt and ran the water in the bathroom, adjusting the thermostat until the shower ran hot.  Pavel was thankful that Leonard let him borrow a few sets of clothes.  They were well-worn and baggy on him, but they were soft and cozy.  Sleeping in these clothes nearly made Pavel feel safe and at home, in spite of the air mattress he slept on and the strange accents of the McCoy’s.  Still, the warm clothes smelled slightly of Leonard, and the scent eventually became associated with comfort.

 

Slowly, Pavel adjusted to his surroundings.  He started helping out around the house and fought back his depression with occupation.  He stopped taking his long walks to the plant and started to acclimate to the idea of finding a place in this new world.  His heart and stomach still ached when he thought about the crew— _his_ crew—but was always determined to put it out of his mind.  His worry would not make them find him faster, and since he had no means of communicating with them, he decided he might as well find comfort in his accommodations.  Within weeks, David and Eleanora McCoy began joking that Pavel was their “second son” and expressed that they were pleased to have “adopted” him.

“Pavel, you need some new clothes,” Eleanora told him during dinner one day, in her sweet Southern-Belle accent.  “You only ever wear Leonard’s, and they don’t even fit you right.”

Pavel smiled.  He felt enormous gratitude toward both of Leonard’s parents, but Eleanora was his favorite.  “They are not so bad, Ellie.  I have been thinking about getting a job, though, so I could buy some for myself.”

She looked taken-aback by his suggestion.  “Honey, you are just a child, and you’re lost from home.  We’re not making you earn your living.  You’re not even a legal adult, yet!  You don’t need to be trying to support yourself at your age!”

Pavel nodded in contemplation.  “Yes… but I think I would like a job.  It would keep me busy and I would feel more useful.  I like to be busy.”

“But, hon—”

“I think that’s a great idea, kid.”  Mr. McCoy always called Pavel ‘kid’ when he was proud or impressed.  It was like a term of endearment, but watered down and hardened because Mr. McCoy didn’t like to be thought of as sentimental.  His voice and words were as rough as the callouses on his hands, but Pavel could see the approval in his eyes.  He wondered briefly if the Dr. McCoy he knew from the _Enterprise_ used the term in the same manner.  Pavel liked to imagine that every time the grouchy Dr. McCoy called him ‘kid,’ he was showing some form of affectionate pride, not just noticing his young age.

“David—”

“Now, Elle, if the boy wants to work, we’ll let him.  It’s admirable of him to take charge of his life.  The boy’s got honor.”

Leonard smiled.

“But, sweetie,” she hushed her voice as if Pavel would not be able hear her.  “I don’t want Pavel thinking he owes us, thinking he’s a burden.  He’s having a hard enough time coping and—”

Leonard cleared his throat loudly, causing his parents to look over at Pavel, who was staring deliberately at his lap.  The silence that followed was deafening, and every time someone tried to strike up conversation, it fell limp, half-answered questions lingering in the air.  He stared down at his plate, wondering if perhaps his presence wasa strain on their family.

Late that night, from Leonard’s room, the boys heard David and Ellie arguing behind closed doors.

“I’m so sorry about them,” Leonard muttered.

“It is not your fault… or theirs.  I understand my presence is difficult on this family.  I am sorry for any problems I may have caused.”

“No, they’re always this way.  If it weren’t an argument about you, it’d be an argument about me, or about grades, or about my college….  It just means they care.”

“Caring makes them angry with each other?”

“Well… I guess disagreeing makes them angry, but they only get passionate about it because they care.”

Pavel wasn’t sure he found that insight comforting, but he nodded anyway.

“I have put them out of their way.  I know they do not want me here, but they are doing their best to be gracious hosts.  For that I am thankful.”

Leonard shifted to his side so he could see Pavel’s face in the moonlight.

“Sometimes I see you staring at the sky or the clock, like you just can’t wait to be out of here.”

Pavel’s face was sad and pale in the half lit darkness.  “I have nowhere to go.  I can’t leave.”

“You know, my mom thinks you ran away from home.  She thinks your parents were abusive, and that’s why you stay.  My dad isn’t really deep enough to question it.  He’s just kind of accepted that you’re here.”

“Oh?  And what do you think?”

“I think I’m sorry you want to leave.  And I’m sorry it’s my fault you’re stuck here….  But I don’t think you ran away from home.  You’re from Starfleet, so you must have been here for something important.”

Pavel said nothing and looked away.  He hoped the vaccination would work; he hoped the crew knew he completed his job; he hoped they were looking for him; he hoped Leonard would survive.

He was certain of nothing.

 

 

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

 

The next day, Mr. McCoy offered Pavel a job in the maintenance shop.  Judging by Ellie’s silence, she’d lost the battle with much difficulty.  Leonard took immediately to training him and was impressed by how quickly Pavel caught on.

“Shuttle maintenance is not nearly so different to starship engineering,” Pavel said humbly.

“Is that what you are?  An engineer?”

“Actually, I am a navigator, but I study engineering on the side.”

“Navigator, huh?  Navigating the stars,” Leonard mumbled.  “That must be incredible.”

Pavel agreed fondly.  It had always been his dream to navigate the stars.  Even when his parents pushed him to excel at maths and sciences, he still found himself staring up at the sky, charting out intergalactic destinations in his mind.

“I could never join Starfleet,” Leonard admitted.  “I don’t think I have what it takes.”

“Do you mean your fear of flying?”

Leonard’s eyes widened.

“I mean- I mean to ask… _do_ you have a fear of flying?”

Leonard shifted uncomfortably.  “Yeah, but I have no idea how you guessed that.  Space is a scary place.  It’s got nothing but danger and darkness and things we don’t understand.  And if you die?  Well, the death sure won’t be pleasant, I can bet you that much.  Besides,” he added after a while, “my old man wants me to be a doctor.”

He sounded sad when he said it, and Pavel wondered what Leonard would think of his future life as a Starfleet Chief Medical Officer.  If he didn’t want to be a doctor, and he didn’t want to be in Starfleet, then what must Dr. McCoy think of his life?  It seemed to Pavel that a life without following one’s dreams is useless.

“What could be so wrong with being a doctor?”

“Well, eight years of medical school for one thing.  My dad says I’ve got the brain for the job, and I know I’ve got the dedication, but I don’t think it will make me happy.”

“And what would make you happy?” Pavel asked after a while.

Leonard let out a tired laugh and sighed.  “I don’t know.  Stupid impractical things.  I’d like to fall in love.  I’d like to settle down.   Maybe get a job where I get to work with my hands and settle down in the country.  It’s a silly dream to have in this century.”

“Nothing is silly to dream.”

Leonard looked up gratefully. 

“You’re one of a kind, Pavel, you know that?”

The Russian boy blushed.

“I am not nearly so rare as you think.”

“I’m sure you believe that,” Leonard grinned, “but I think you’re wrong.”


	5. Chapter 5

The summer days grew tolerable, and even somewhat enjoyable, as Chekov learned to put Starfleet out of his mind.  He occupied his mind and hands with work, as his uniform lay neatly hidden in the back of Leonard’s closet.  It had become his most prized possession, a remnant of a time long past and a time still to come, but to see it overwhelmed him with despair and nostalgia.  It remained out of sight, but always in the back of his mind.  On the surface, he remained absorbed in his work and focused on being an active member of the McCoy family.  After two weeks of work, Pavel was to receive his first paycheck.  Mr. McCoy gave him a gruff nod and pulled him out onto the porch.  Leonard eyed them curiously and listened by the door.

“Pavel,” David was using his important-speech voice, “before I give you your paycheck, I want you to understand what exactly this means—to me, to this family, and to you.  It’s not just money; it’s more than that.  You’re a good kid, and I like you.  I admire your ethic, and I wouldn’t let you stay in our house if I didn’t think I could trust you.”

Leonard wondered how Pavel’s face must look, hearing such sincerity from such a grumpy old man.  He imagined his eyes serious and intent, locked on his David as he received this rare honor.  

“I wouldn’t let you stay if I didn’t think I could trust you, and I wouldn’t give you a job if I didn’t plan to let you stay.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

There was a pause as Pavel nodded.

“This family is willing to treat you like you’re one of our own, but you’ve got to keep it up.  We have no obligation to keep you here.  As long as you own to your responsibilities and keep out of trouble, we’ll take care of you.  Ellie and I rest comfortable knowing Leonard’s got a friend like you….”  He cleared his throat, realizing that he had begun to sound borderline sentimental.  “Now, here.  Go buy yourself some decent clothes.  It’s about time you wear something that fits.”

When Chekov came back into the kitchen, Leonard looked away to hide his smile.

“Where could I go to buy some new clothes?”

Leonard let out a little laugh.  “Come on,” he said, walking out the front door.  “I’ll take you to the store.”

 

The boys walked for about five blocks before Pavel noticed anything.  Leonard seemed happier and more upbeat than usual, but Pavel found himself entertained by Leonard’s enthusiasm.

“…he’s just not a deep guy, you know?  He’s kind of rough around the edges and doesn’t show the soft spots.  You don’t know how lucky you are, how unique you are.  He’s really simple.  He either likes people or he doesn’t, and usually it’s the latter.  Hell, I don’t even think he likes _me_ , half the time!”

Pavel smiled softly and let Leonard carry on.  He didn’t think David’s talk was a big deal, but he’d never seen Leonard so worked up before.  It was endearing how full of life and energy he seemed.

“You’re not even listening, are you?” Leonard asked.

“Hm?  Of course I am.”

“No you’re not,” Leonard laughed lightheartedly.  “You’re just looking right through me.  You’re humoring me.”

“I’ve just never seen you so passionate before.”

Leonard laughed.  “Well, now I feel like a fool.”

“Why?” Pavel asked, furrowing his eyebrows.  “I see nothing foolish about passion.”

Leonard felt his face turn red against his will and wanted to change the subject.  He pointed ahead in the road.  “Up there, we’re gong to make a right in about two blocks.  See the intersection with that orange building?”

And that’s when he realized it.  Leonard was taking Pavel on a familiar path.  It was the path he’d traveled incessantly in the first few weeks of his arrival.  _From the water treatment plant, to the coordinates of his arrival, and back.  From the water treatment plant, to the coordinates of his arrival, and back._  He’d spent weeks searching these crowded, outer-city streets, waiting for Spock or Uhura to save him.  But no one ever came.  They left him.  His crew was hundreds of parsecs away, a quarter century into the future, and he was forever going to be trapped.

“Pavel?”

He’d stopped walking.  He didn’t even notice.

His feet were made of cement.

“You okay?”

He couldn’t make himself move.  People started to walk around him, self-absorbed and unconcerned.

 “Pavel.  You’re freaking me out.”

“Pavel?”

“Pav-”

The darkness didn’t last long, but it came on quickly.

_“It’s alright.  Don’t sit up yet.  You were probably just dehydrated.”_

Pavel’s bright blue eyes fluttered open and closed.  Leonard helped him into a sitting position and held a bottle to his mouth.

“Alright, try to take a drink.  It’s okay, it’s just water.”

Pavel swallowed a few times and then choked the liquid, coughing it out onto the street. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.  I forgot you’re bad with the heat.  I should’ve brought extra water.”

He looked around dizzily and tried to adjust his eyes to the light.  Leonard’s face was blurry, so Pavel tried to focus on something further away.  Slowly, colors in the distance began to form into shapes, and the shapes became people, and some of the people began to look familiar to Chekov.  Pavel shook his head languidly and pushed himself to his feet.

“Woah, woah.  Sit down.  You need to rest.”

But Pavel took a deep breath and a shaky step forward, faster and faster until he was sprinting.  Blue shirt.  Pointed ears.  Black hair.  Tears clouded his eyes, but he blinked them away.  His head was dizzy, and he couldn’t feel his feet, but he was propelling himself forward, pushing past crowds of people and through unfortunate pedestrians.  The tears rolled down his face and his chest burned, but finally he reached the man he was running toward.  He didn’t have time to lower his momentum, so pushed into the man’s body, nearly falling over him in the process.  The man let out a surprised yell and looked down at him, the groveling Russian boy at his feet, muttering in gibberish and clinging to the leg of his pants.

“Release me, boy!”

Pavel looked up to find a face he did not recognize.

“S-Spock…”

The Vulcan cleared his throat and replied in a harsh monotone.  “No, human.  You seem to have confused my identity for that of another.  Please release my clothing immediately.”

“S-Spock?” Pavel whispered as the Vulcan broke free.

“What the _hell?_ ”  In an instant Leonard was at his side and the Vulcan was gone.

“I thought- I thought he was-” Pavel stuttered, and tears filled his eyes again.  “Spock… Commander Spock….” His tears turned to panicked hysterics as he cried.

“Hey, calm down.  Look at me.”  Leonard kneeled down before Pavel.  “Look at me.  Alright?  It’s okay.  Trust me.”

Pavel’s crystal blue eyes appeared even bluer after crying.  His breath was still ragged as he choked out breathless sobs.

“I’m here.  It’s okay.”  Leonard reached out his hand and entwined his fingers with Pavel’s.  “I’m here.”

When Pavel’s gasps faded into tiny sniffles, he looked around.  The street was busy, but no one had taken much notice of him.  No one stopped to worry about the blonde boy crying in the street.

“Are you okay?”  Leonard’s eyes were big with concern.  He squeezed Pavel’s hand.

Chekov nodded slowly and hugged his knees to his chest.  He looked even smaller than usual, burying his face in his arms to shut out the world.  Leonard shifted and wrapped an arm around his back, turning Pavel’s chin so their faces were inches apart.  The smaller boy’s lower lip quivered, and his face was red.   Leonard cupped the side of Pavel’s face and wiped away a tear.  He really was a beautiful boy; lost and confused, yes, but beautiful in every possible way.  Leonard lost himself for a moment in Pavel’s eyes, using every ounce of his strength not to lean in and kiss his perfectly pouted lips.  Still, he smiled.  He’d spent nearly every day with Pavel, and had learned to understand and quell his anxiety.  He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Pavel’s cheek, turning Chekov’s face scarlet as he sheepishly looked away.

Leonard grinned and helped Pavel to his feet.  Pavel still couldn’t bring himself to look into Leonard’s eyes, but he was smiling quietly, too.

As the two boys stepped into the store, a few kids their age started laughing.  Leonard looked toward them absentmindedly, and saw one of them pointing in their direction.  Pavel didn’t notice and started looking through stacks of blue jeans and t-shirts.

“Are you sure that’s him?”

Leonard did his best to shut them out.

“Yes.  I swear to God.  He was on the ground one second and then running like crazy toward this Vulcan dude the next.  And he was just back on the ground sobbing….” They all laughed as one of the boys reenacted the scene.

Leonard cleared his throat loudly to remind them he was there, and turned back to Pavel.

“You got a problem?” the guy asked.

Leonard didn’t want an argument.  He just wanted them to leave Pavel alone.

“No.”  He clenched his fists and took a deep breath.

“Really?  Seems like you got something to say.  Either say it or mind your own fucking business.”

McCoy’s are not fighting types.  They are smart and levelheaded and raised to always be the ‘better person’ in the face of conflict.  Leonard reminded himself of this historical fact as he took a deep breath.

“It seems you’ve got something to say, too, but you’re clearly too stupid to keep your voice down around us.”

“You know, for a dumb little farm kid, you’re one to talk.  Next time you go out, keep your little psycho farm animal on a leash.”  Pavel looked away, ashamed.  “Next time he might freak out on a Klingon and get himself slaughtered.”

Leonard dug his nails into his palm, but couldn’t stop himself.  Before he realized what he was doing, he pulled back a fist, and landed a right hook square against the boy’s jaw.  He looked up with an angry glint in his eye, grabbed McCoy, and dragged him outside by the collar.

McCoy’s aren’t always the fighting type, but they always fight for what they care about.  Leonard his held his ground for about ten minutes, but by the time Pavel appeared with police, he was losing the fight.  The police broke up the fight and called Leonard’s parents to come pick him up.

When David arrived, Leonard shrank under his gaze.  He had a black eye and a split lip, but he tried to hide the damage.  He had to hold a rag to his nose to slow the bleeding.  David’s stare was cold silent, and he said nothing until they were in the car.

“Honestly, Leonard, a fight?  What in God’s name has gotten into you?  I’d _say_ you know better, but I’d obviously be wrong.”

Leonard stared down at his shoes, and Pavel wished he could disappear.

“Well?  Are you going to explain yourself?”

Leonard said nothing.

“It was self defense,” Pavel mumbled quietly.

“What?”

“It was self defense….  He didn’t start it.  He didn’t want to fight.”

David paused.  “Is that true?”

Leonard couldn’t bring himself to lie.  He’d thrown the first punch.  He could have bowed out without a problem.  He couldn’t tell his father it wasn’t his fault.  He stared out the window in silence.

“God damn it,” his father rubbed his forehead and sighed.  “Your mom is going to fuss over this for _weeks_.”

Leonard looked over at Pavel, whose eyes were big and locked onto his own.  He tried to smile, but his face ached too badly. Pavel’s hand reached out and touched his arm.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Leonard replied quietly.  “I’ve been worse.”

Chekov smiled, and then shook his head disapprovingly.

“Thank you,” he whispered.  “But please don’t do that again.”

Leonard grabbed Chekov’s hand and studied his face carefully.

“I’ll try, Pasha,” he whispered and placed a kiss on the back of Pavel’s hand.

Chekov turned away breathlessly, nervous under Leonard’s stare and touch, but did not retrieve his hand.  Leonard gave it a gentle squeeze and looked out his window, wondering how he came to like Pavel so much after only knowing him for about a month. 

Pavel merely thought about trying to catch his breath, in awe at how great it felt to have Leonard McCoy’s hand wrapped tightly around his own.

They rode home in contented silence.


	6. Chapter 6

Leonard’s father was silent as Ellie fussed over her son.  As she examined him from every angle, she muttered anxiously under her breath, “Oh, you poor thing.  You poor, poor thing…”

“It’s really not that bad, mom.  It was just a little tussle.”

Ellie ignored his judgment and replaced it with her own.  Leonard cursed quietly under his breath, while Ellie mourned her baby boy’s innocence.  In all fairness, Leonard had held his own pretty well for the first three quarters of the fight.  It was only before the cops showed up that he started to lose energy and take a real beating.

Pavel smiled at Leonard and his mother from the corner of the room.  It was hard not to find their argument endearing.  Ellie, the eternally hovering mother, and Leonard, the son who wanted nothing more than to break free from all the fuss—it was like watching one of those teleprompt programs he grew up with as a kid.  Leonard and his father exchanged a commiserating glance.

It was uncanny, Pavel noticed, how Leonard seemed to be a perfect cross between his parents, deriving both his appearance and personality almost entirely from each parent’s traits.  Leonard had his mother’s soft eyes and complexion and his father’s strong shoulders and jawline.  He was a young man of sentimentality and compassion, yet always maintained an air of wit and determination.  He had, of course, inherited some of their negative traits as well, but to a less noticeable extent.  Leonard often struggled to articulate himself, agonizing for hours over things that plagued his mind without reaching the surface.  When he found himself with much to say, Leonard seldom had the ability to say it.  Furthermore, he had developed his mother’s habit of constant worry, spending far too much time thinking about things he could not hope to change.

Leonard looked over at Pavel with a bemused expression, causing the latter to laugh out loud and receive a very stern glance from Mrs. McCoy.

“There is nothing funny about this,” she scolded.  “Those boys could have killed him.”

Leonard rolled his eyes.  As much regard as he held for his mother, he could only bear so much exaggeration.  After Ellie had done everything in her power to comfort and care for her son, she sent Leonard and Pavel to the family rec room and pulled her husband aside.

“I worry, David, that we shouldn’t have moved here.”

“What?  Because of a little scuffle outside the store?”

“I just,” she wrung her hands together nervously, “I just don’t think Leonard’s happy here.  He doesn’t go out with friends or the Darnell’s girl anymore.  He hasn’t since graduation.  Now he only works in the garage and sometimes talks to Pavel.”

David listened to Leonard laughing in the other room.  “He seems fine to me.”

“Only sometimes.  Only when he’s with Pavel.  Why, when he’s not around he just looks distant, like he’d rather be anywhere else.  It’s like Pavel’s the only friend he has right now.  He needs our help.”

David sighed.  “And what do you suggest we do?”

“Let’s get him out of the city for a while.  It’s been taking a toll on him.  He’s got another month before his classes start at the university, so we can afford to spend some time in the country.  It’s where he belongs.  It’s where he’s happy.  Not cramped up inside all day like a caged animal.”

David agreed that a vacation would do them all some good.  He hadn’t thought anything of Leonard’s behavior, but he trusted his wife’s judgment.  Ellie was always more perceptive about emotions, and he knew a vacation would make all of them happier.  The four were packed and ready by the weekend, and Leonard could barely contain his excitement.

 

The property they owned in the country was a forty-acre inheritance from Leonard’s paternal grandmother.  She had left it to her eldest son, but since Leonard’s uncle lived so away, he gave the deed to David and his family.  It had been in the family for hundreds of years, dating back to the late twentieth century when they used to farm cows and pigs for food.  There were rolling green pastures and a forest lining the edge of the land, separated by a thin stretch of river and a large pond.

Pavel adored the country cottage and the spread of land around it.  He laughed happily and let Leonard drag him around, pointing out every area of the land and explaining its significance.  David slipped his hand into Ellie’s as they watched the boys run about.  Leonard motioned toward the wooded area of the land, and Pavel followed him into the veil of trees.  They walked side by side on the dirt path, Leonard fondly identifying birds and plant species by name.  For over an hour they walked, discussing everything that came to mind, laughing, teasing, enjoying each other’s company.  Then unexpectedly, Leonard reached out and grabbed Pavel’s arm, stopping him mid-step.

“Look,” he whispered, “do you see it?” 

Pavel shook his head. 

“Come closer.”  He placed a hand on Pavel’s waist and moved him to the side, so that he was inches away from Leonard’s profile.  “Right there.  Between those trees.”  He pointed forward, one hand still resting on the small of Pavel’s back.  Two male whitetail deer stood frozen, staring at the boys who had come into their territory.  “See them?”

Chekov let out a small sound and looked at Leonard, his lips curling up in excitement.  “They are beautiful,” he whispered, making Leonard’s stomach flip.  He forced a smile and nodded, feeling weak when he noticed how close Pavel was.  He wanted to lean in and kiss him, relishing this moment of closeness and solitude, but before he could, Pavel blushed shyly and looked away.  When the moment had passed, the deer were gone.  Leonard shifted nervously and cleared his throat.  He and Pavel walked in silence until they emerged from the forest again.

“You know,” Leonard said, sitting beside the pond, “I spent a lot of time here as a child.  It’s really important to me.  This place holds a lot of memories.”

Pavel nodded and looked up at the sky.  Dr. McCoy often spoke of home on their voyages.  It was one thing he’d felt they always had in common.  McCoy missed Georgia as much as Chekov had longed for Russia.

Now all Chekov missed was his rightful decade.

“My girlfriend—well, my _ex_ girlfriend—always asked me to take her here.”

Chekov felt a jealous churn in the pit of his stomach, but forced himself to dismiss it.  “I’m sure she loved it.”

“I wouldn’t know!  I never brought her with me,” Leonard laughed and Pavel smiled despite his better judgment.  “My friends always asked to come, too, but they just wanted somewhere to party and drink.  I always wanted to bring someone, but I wanted it to special, and with someone I could trust…  I wanted it to be someone I really care about.”

Leonard forced himself to shut up and looked across the pond, his stomach churning nervously.  He was never good with words, never too fond of relationships.  He liked to keep things casual and relaxed, knowing relationships entail a certain level of vulnerability that he just couldn’t stand.  Girlfriends and boyfriends had never lasted him more than a month.  He had liked them all, sure, but he didn’t feel for them the way he began to feel for Pavel.  This strange boy could make him laugh and dream and feel like he’d never felt before. 

Pavel’s heart beat unreasonably fast.

“I am glad that you think that of me,” he mumbled.  “I- I am glad you trust me and know that I-”

Leonard put his hand on Pavel’s face and leaned in, placing a kiss on his slightly parted lips.  When he pulled back to look into Pavel’s eyes, Pavel’s cheeks blushed red, and he looked down in the space between them.

“I- I have never…”

“That’s okay,” Leonard promised.  “You’re doing fine.”  He leaned in, engaging Pavel in a deeper kiss, drawing it out and making every second last.  Pavel melted into Leonard’s arms.

When he pulled away at last, Pavel’s eyes opened slowly, as though waking from a dream.  His head was light and dizzy, and as he took in an unsteady breath he smiled. 

The beautiful red of his cheeks had darkened, and Leonard chuckled to himself.  Never had Leonard kissed someone so shy, so inexperienced.  Most of his partners had been bold.  They knew exactly what they wanted and how to get it.  Pavel was timid, sheepish even, and Leonard was right in suspecting that he was not like all the others.

Pavel wasn’t just someone to keep him company; he was someone to care for, someone to love.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of in a weird order. Bare with me on this one. I'll fix it up later.

From the rec room window, Ellie watched them walk hand in hand around the property for hours, smiling as though it were entirely her doing.  The way she saw it, Leonard and Pavel wouldn’t have admitted their feelings for each other in any other setting, and since it was her idea to visit the family farm, she was solely responsible for their happiness.

Leonard and Pavel stayed outside until David called them in for dinner, returning to their walk around the pond as soon as dinner was finished.  Ellie mentioned repeatedly that she knew this was what the boys needed, but David just rolled his eyes and laughed.  When the sky was entirely drained of light, the boys came in again.  They were both smiling wide, but said nothing while the parents were in earshot.

In a tired attempt to strike up conversation, David asked them, “How did you enjoy your walk?”  

Both boys just nodded and smiled, too embarrassed to look anyone in the eyes. 

Leonard was certain that his parents had been spying on him, and warned Pavel ahead of time.  Frankly, it would be uncharacteristic of them to mind their own business.  Leonard assumed they saw him hold Pavel’s hand, maybe even caught a glimpse of them by the barn, where he’d tasted Pavel’s lips and tongue a second, third, and fourth time.  His heart pounded remembering how Pavel quivered under his touch, pressed gently against the big red door of the barn.

If his parents had seen all of that, Leonard would be very embarrassed indeed.

Despite his nervousness, Leonard had never felt better in his life.  He leaned against the wall and hugged himself, holding his body in one piece as he tried to find a sufficient answer for his father.  From the other side of the room, he could see that Pavel was still smiling too.

Ellie explained apologetically that they would still have to share a bedroom, but the boys didn’t mind.  This room had two dressers and a bunk bed, which was better than home, where Pavel slept on an air mattress on Leonard’s floor. 

To make it up to them, Ellie suggested they watch a movie on the teleprompt before they go to bed.  Pavel and Leonard selected an old fantasy film, and David groaned.

“Another 2-D movie?  It wasn’t even made in this century!”

“It has elves, monsters, and a magical ring, Dad.  What more could you want?”

“Something with action?  Something with adventure?”

“They do go on an adventure,” Pavel chimed in.  “They have to find a way destroy the ring because it’s dangerous.”

“Oh, yeah, dangerous two-dimensional jewelry.  _That’s_ exciting.”

Leonard just laughed it off and pressed play.  His father was picky, but old-fashioned movies were Leonard’s favorite, and he didn’t let it bother him.  David just liked to be entertained.  He wanted violence and sex scenes and action in every frame of the prompt.  After all, that is how most movies had come to be in the twenty-third century.  Leonard indulged himself by watching old films.  Stories of love and tragedy and bravery, stories with purpose, that taught lessons and reminded him how beautiful and terrible life could be.

He wrapped his arm around Pavel’s waist to pull him closer and kiss him on the cheek.  For the next few hours, they watched the movie and cuddled, ignoring the occasional groans of boredom coming from Leonard’s dad.

When the boys retired to their room, Leonard took off his shirt to change and smiled at Pavel.  “I had a really great day with you.”

“So did I,” Pavel blushed.  It was hard to look Leonard in the eyes, so he thought it best not to look at all.  The taller boy’s body was tan and carved into carefully defined muscles.  Pavel had seen Leonard undressed before, but now it was different. 

“I- I, um- I’ll be right back,” Pavel stammered as he ran out of the room with his nightclothes in hand.

Leonard watched him leave with a questioning expression, but dismissed it from his mind.  He laid down on the bottom bunk and stared at the mattress above him, wondering how life could suddenly seem so good, when it always used to seem so pointless.  ‘Maybe it’s all in my head,’ he thought.  ‘Maybe it was never that bad to begin with.’

But of course, just because it was in his head didn’t mean it wasn’t real.  This happiness, this unprecedented passion and excitement—he’d never felt it with anyone else.  Girls and boys came and went, but they never meant too much to Leonard.  He liked them well enough but grew tired of them quickly, and none had ever made him feel the way that Pavel made him feel.

When Pavel returned in his pajamas, he lowered the lights to 20% and climbed into the top bunk.

“Goodnight, Pasha,” Leonard whispered in the semi-lit darkness.

“Goodnight, Leonard.”

They laid in silence for a while, but neither one of them could sleep.  Their entire day had been like walking in a dream, too good to be true, but too real to deny.  They weren’t ready for it to end.  Too much had happened so quickly.

 

While they were walking in circles and circles around the estate, Pavel confessed that no one had ever liked him as more than a friend before.  Leonard seemed to be in denial of it.

“That’s why I was—well, _am_ —so nervous.  People just don’t like me that way.  It hasn’t ever happened.”

“But… you’re so great.  You’re attractive and clever and sweet-”

“Just because you think something doesn’t mean everyone else thinks it too.”

Leonard couldn’t agree.  “Maybe they just never told you.  Maybe everyone who liked you was just too shy.”

Pavel shook his head sadly.  “I never really fit in.  I was… well, they called it ‘gifted’.  I skipped about four grades in elementary school, and I was picked on constantly.  My parents took me out when I was nine and had me homeschooled by tutors.  Eventually, since I didn’t really have anything to do but study, I got ahead of the curriculum.”  He shrugged as if it were no big deal.  “At fourteen, I was ready to go to college.  My dad wanted me to be a wealthy doctor, like him, but I couldn’t bear it.  He said I could be a prodigy, famous even!  Pavel Chekov, the first licensed surgeon under the age of twenty-five.  But I was tired of being the freaky genius kid.  I didn’t want to be rich and superficial like my father.”

“And that’s why you joined Starfleet?”

He nodded pensively.  “Yes, but it was selfish of me.  I could have put myself to work saving lives.  Instead, I wanted to rebel and find something more.  I used to sneak up to the roof at night to stare at the stars.  I figured if there was any place that could make me happy and I’d be treated the same as everyone else, it would be up there.”

 “That’s not selfish, though.  Everyone deserves to be happy.”

“Yes it is,” he sighed.  “It is selfish because I keep doing it again and again.  The needs of the many should outweigh the needs of the few.”  And now he was doing it again, lingering selfishly in the past to be with Leonard instead of doing every thing in his power to make it back to his crew.

They were probably worried.  They were probably scared.

Leonard laced his fingers between Pavel’s and stopped him from walking.

“Pavel, you’re not selfish.  The fact that you’re worried about it _proves_ that you’re not.”

“I am though,” Pavel protested.  “I’m selfish and greedy and you don’t even know-”

Leonard turned Pavel around and pressed him against the barn wall.  Their bodies were close and Leonard’s eyes were pleading.  He looked as though he had so much he wanted to say, and was so desperate to say it, but no words would come.  Just as his composure was about to break, Pavel leaned forward and placed a ghost of a kiss on Leonard’s lips.

Leonard froze for a long static moment, and kissed Pavel back with all the passion he was afraid to admit.  He wanted so badly to show this boy how much he meant, how much he’d impacted his life, but words just weren’t enough.  He pressed his body flat against Pavel’s and kissed him hard against the wall, running his tongue gently along the crevice between his lips.  Pavel’s mouth parted in a surprised moan, and Leonard used his tongue to explore every inch of Pavel’s tongue and skin.

When they finally pulled away, both boys’ hearts were pounding and they were dizzy from the haze of desire.  Leonard kissed Pavel’s forehead and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, hugging him close as they caught their breath.  By the time Leonard’s breathing steadied, Pavel’s was still shallow and labored.  He’d never experienced such passion and intensity before.  He felt dizzy and high with the moment, barely able to pull away from Leonard’s chest and ask what had brought on so much sudden emotion.

“I just wanted you to stop,” Leonard laughed placidly.  “I couldn’t listen to you speak that way about yourself.  All that talk about being selfish and greedy… You don’t even know.”

“I don’t know what?”

“That you’re probably the most honest, most caring person I’ve ever met.”  Pavel bit his lower lip at the term ‘honest’.  “If you’re selfish, then what does that make everyone else?  What does that make me?”

Pavel wanted to change the subject.  He bit his lip harder, only realizing when he tasted blood.  “Weren’t, um, weren’t we talking about something? I mean before we started-” He was so desperate to talk about something else, that he could hardly form a sentence.

“Hm?  Oh yeah,” Leonard remembered, “you were talking about how you joined Starfleet instead of being a doctor.  You snuck out to the roof and all that.”

“Well, yeah,” Pavel shrugged, “that’s about it then.  I joined Starfleet because I didn’t think anywhere else would truly accept me.”

“And they did, right?  They were what you wanted?”

“Not really….  I mean, I enjoyed the Academy, but I was still treated differently.  In class, all wanted to do was partner up, but on campus I was just some dumb kid to them.  Most of them were mature enough not to pick on me for my height and age, but I still wasn’t one of them, you know?  I figured they’d be more accepting because Starfleet is about diplomacy and peace, but I guess I was wrong.  I was always just a kid.” 

Leonard listened to all of this attentively, beginning to understand why Pavel never spoke much of home or his life before Georgia.  He spent so long on the sidelines, he wasn’t used to people caring about how he felt, and he wasn’t eager to open himself up to vulnerability.  Leonard just held his hand and tried to show that he cared.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is short, but it's cute and I like it.

The next day, the boys woke to the smell of pancakes and bacon wafting in from the kitchen.  Leonard rose and stretched, checking on Pavel in the top bunk.  He looked even rougher and more tired than Leonard.

“Jeez, didn’t you sleep at all?”

Pavel smiled and nodded, his head still heavy on the pillow.  “A bit,” he promised.  He really hadn’t gotten more than an hour or two because his mind was too busy on hyperdrive.  He was antsy and excited and couldn’t stop thinking about his first kiss, replaying it over and over in his head, imagining the replications to come.

“Well, mom is making breakfast if you want some.”  He looked like he wanted to say more, but he was silent, thinking about how cute Pavel looked with his sleepy eyes and bedhead.

After they ate, David and Ellie talked about their plans for the month.  Since they owned the country property, there was no worry about vacation costs or time restraints.  They planned to spend the entire month at leisure, returning home about a week before Leonard’s classes begin.

“That means we’ll be here for my birthday,” Pavel realized, a sickening chill running through his body.  On August thirteenth, 2245, Pavel would be born.  On the other side of the world, Andrei and Larisa Chekov were preparing for their brand new baby boy.

“So you’ll be turning eighteen?” Ellie asked.

“Something like that.”  Pavel’s voice was strained and he felt weak.

“Oh, I’m so glad you told me!  We can have a party and I’ll make my old fashioned chocolate cake and…”  Pavel couldn’t listen to the rest.  He excused himself to the restroom and got sick in the toilet.

Ellie leaned over to David and asked worriedly, “Is it something I said?  Was there something wrong with the pancakes?”

Pavel emerged pale-faced and dizzy and returned to the kitchen, holding onto a chair for support.  “I- I don’t feel well. I think I’m going to go back to bed.”  He stepped away from the chair and lost his balance, the room going black for a single instant.

“Pavel, you alright?” Leonard asked, rushing to his side.

“A little sick is all,” Pavel replied with his eyes closed.  He grabbed Leonard’s arm for balance, and Leonard helped him to their room.

“I’m okay, I’ve got it.  You don’t have to help me,” Pavel mumbled.

“That’s the biggest bunch of hock I’ve ever heard.  Here,” Leonard said, easing Pavel onto the lower bunk, “you can use my bed.”

Pavel was too dizzy to argue.  He turned on his side and clutched his stomach, curling into a ball.  “Thank you, doctor,” he murmured as Leonard wrapped the blanket around him.

Leonard furrowed his eyebrows and gave Pavel a worried look.  “Leonard,” he said.  “It’s me, Leonard.”  He touched Pavel’s forehead to see if he had a fever, but his skin was a completely normal temperature.

Pavel flashed back to Dr. McCoy, who always insisted on being called Leonard instead of ‘doctor’.  With a whimpering groan, Pavel felt like he might be sick again.  Leonard pulled over the trashcan and sat on the edge of his bed, resting one hand on Pavel’s leg.  He sat there for long time, reassuring Pavel that it was all going to be okay.

“Your bedside manner has improved, doctor,” Pavel whispered half-consciously.

“Leonard,” he corrected anxiously.  “I told you.  It’s just me.  It’s Leonard.”

“I’m sorry, Leonard.  I keep forgetting.”  Pavel drifted out of consciousness at last, and Leonard wondered what on earth was going on.

 

When he woke again, light was streaming through the windows.  Pavel’s stomach felt better, but his mind was foggy with sleep and his steps were unsteady.  He found Leonard in the kitchen, heating up some soup in the thermo-drawer.

“Where are David and Ellie?” Pavel asked.

Leonard smiled at the fact that Pavel was up and moving again.

“Mom went to the store, and dad’s gone hunting.  I was just about to come wake you up,” he said placing a bowl of soup in front of Pavel.  “You feeling any better?”

Pavel nodded and took a seat.  “Did you just say your dad is hunting?”

“Yeah,” Leonard admitted reluctantly.  “He’s convinced that lab-grown meat isn’t as healthy as real animal meat.”

“But it’s exactly the same thing….  In fact, it’s healthier.”

“Not according to him.”  Leonard shrugged as if he couldn’t care less either way.  “But at least we don’t waste any of the meat.  What we don’t eat, we sell to the local butcher.”

Pavel tried to remember a time when he’d eaten real animal meat, but he couldn’t.  The idea of killing an animal for food seemed barbaric and unnecessary to him, especially when scientists could grow animal tissue substitutes in labs.

When they stepped outside and saw David with his game, Pavel’s heart nearly stopped.  There on the ground lay two young male deer, shot through the chest and wide-eyed.

“What’s wrong with you, boy?” David asked Pavel.  “You still sick?”

 


	9. Chapter 9

In the days before Pavel’s birthday, Ellie and Leonard were beyond reason.  They threw around party ideas incessantly, varying in degrees of subtlety.  Leonard seemed convinced that they should go to an amusement park, and Ellie wanted to take Pavel out to dinner and the theater to celebrate.   Pavel groaned every time they mentioned possibilities of the celebration.

“I really don’t want a party,” Pavel insisted, his face going pallid at the thought.

“Oh, don’t worry dear.  It’s no trouble,” Ellie dismissed.  “Eighteen is a big milestone.  You should enter adulthood with a little pomp and circumstance!”

Pavel groaned a little and tried to suppress the oncoming headache.  On the Enterprise, he would have had more pomp and circumstance than he could imagine, but this was different.  He wasn’t _turning_ eighteen; he was _being born_.  For all he knew, space and time would be torn apart by his birth.  People weren’t meant to be in two places at once, and as of August tenth, there would be two Pavel Chekovs on opposite sides of the globe.  Here, in 2245, his mere existence was a disgrace to the laws of nature.

In all honesty, he had been looking forward to the party that Captain Kirk was planning.  The captain proudly guaranteed Pavel that he would have the time of his life, complete with alcohol, dancers, and deafeningly loud music.  Pavel usually kept to himself, but it meant a lot to him that Kirk was eager to go to so much trouble for him.  In his mind, he imagined that coming of age would finally put him on an even playing field with his fellow crewmates, that he would finally be made to feel like their equal.

 

Eventually, Pavel turned to David with some desperation in his eyes.

“Please make them stop planning,” he begged.

“I wish I knew how, kid, but they’re convinced that it’s for the best.”

Pavel shook his head sadly.  “It’s not… It’s _not_ for the best.  I don’t want to celebrate that day at all.”

“Not to big on birthdays?”

“No… not this one anyway.  Not given the circumstances.”

David nodded, not quite taking Pavel’s meaning.  All David understood for sure was that this party was making Pavel very upset, and he didn’t want Pavel feeling miserable on his family’s account.  “Well, if you want, I can try to talk to them.  I can’t guarantee anything’ll work, but I can give it a shot.” 

Pavel nodded gratefully.  “Yes!  Yes, please try.  I just want to have normal day.  Nothing fancy.”

David nodded and went to find Ellie, promising her that Pavel had his heart set on a small birthday party including only the family.  She took some convincing, but eventually gave in, reluctantly accepting that he didn’t want anything big or extravagant.  She promised David that she wouldn’t do anything too big or make Pavel uncomfortable with the attention, but she still thought repeatedly about back-up scenarios in case Pavel were to change his mind.

 

On the morning of his birthday, Pavel woke early and went straight to the porch, watching the sunrise over the treetops.  Shades of purple and red seemed to radiate from the horizon, phasing out the blackened–blue of night.   Sunrises in space were no more or less spectacular than sunrises on Earth.  From a planet’s leeside, the newly waxing sunbeams glitter, starting as a lowly radiant glow in the atmosphere and rising past the planet’s darkness until the star is fully visible and pierces the cold darkness with its light.  Here in the darkness, Pavel sat, watching the sun’s radiation overpower the darkness of night.

“What are you doing up so early?” Leonard’s voice greeted him.  Pavel hadn’t noticed the door open.  Leonard sat beside him and took a deep breath.  “You should be sleeping in.  This day is supposed to be about you.”

“Yes,” Pavel sighed.  “I suppose it is.” 

He didn’t want to be reminded.

Leonard went back into the house and returned a few minutes later carrying two cups of coffee. 

“Happy birthday,” Leonard smiled, handing Pavel a mug.  “I’m glad we could spend it here.”  He kissed him on the cheek and sat down.

Pavel looked up and smiled, wondering if anyone else could have possibly made him smile when he felt so miserable.

“So what are you thinking about out here?” Leonard asked.

“What?”

“Come on, Pavel.  No one looks at the sunset without _some_ thought in their head.  Even if you’re only thinking ‘gee, that’s pretty,’ you’ve got to be thinking about something.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Pavel admitted.  “I was thinking about space.  Being aboard the _Enterprise_.  In space, you kind of forget what sunsets are like on Earth.  You forget a lot of things that used to make you happy.  Then, when you finally experience it again, it always feels like the first time.”  He paused for a while in thought, “But I guess the same could be said of being on Earth too.”  He sometimes struggled to remember the things that made him so happy on the _Enterprise_.

 Everything used to seem so black-and-white.  When he first arrived, Pavel wanted nothing more than to get back home, aboard the _Enterprise_.  Nothing else mattered to him.  He wanted to leave earth and all of its inhabitants and go back to traveling with his Starfleet family.  Now things were different.  He couldn’t tell what he wanted.  The happiness that Pavel felt with Leonard was unlike anything he had ever had before.  He didn’t know if he could simply give it up.  Even if it were possible to get back on the ship, would he ever stop thinking about his time with Leonard?  The Leonard McCoy aboard the _Enterprise_ was a grown man.  He couldn’t imagine that his feelings from Earth would simply go away.  Leonard had done so much for him, for his happiness, his self-esteem.  He knew deep down that he could never stop loving Leonard McCoy, and going back to the _Enterprise_ seemed like more of a conflict than a resolution. 

“What sort of things made you happy in space?”

Pavel shook his head and smiled.  “All sorts of things,” he replied.  “The adventure, the discovery.  Some days were just awful.  We’d travel all week at warp-8 and be surrounded by nothing and no one for parsecs in every direction.  I mean, sometimes it felt so empty, I couldn’t help but think I’m the most insignificant speck in the universe.”  He smiled sadly and looked up at the sky.  “But, god, the things I saw were beautiful.  The people I met, all the different races of life and consciousness that exist outside of Earth…  It will never cease to amaze me.  And I’m the kid who was lucky enough to see it all.  If that’s not significant, I don’t know what is.”

“Don’t you ever want to go back?”

Pavel rubbed his forehead and tried make up his mind.  “Maybe someday,” he answered.  “Someday far in the future… I’ll be up there, discovering strange new worlds, wandering the void.”  He laughed, “But then I’ll end up back here, I suppose.  Time is funny like that.”

“So you would come back?”

“It doesn’t seem like it’s negotiable.”

“Good,” Leonard smiled.  “That means I’ll see you again.”

Leonard reached out for Pavel’s hand and took it in his own.  The Russian boy wanted so badly to tell him the truth, to admit everything, but couldn’t find it in his heart to explain.  He smiled apologetically at Leonard, who kissed his hand and grinned.  Pavel couldn’t tell it was butterflies or guilt fluttering around inside him. 

“You know, you could come,” Pavel explained.  “Starfleet needs doctors as badly as they need engineers and xenolinguists.  They could use you.”  Pavel wondered if there could be some alternate universe in which both Leonard and he were the same age aboard the _Enterprise._   Now that he’d gone back to change the past, anything could happen, he reasoned.

“Maybe, but… Yikes…  Space?  That’s not for me.  I don’t even like being in shuttles higher than thirty feet off the ground.  Much less being in a giant ship whose life support could go down any minute.  Even with backup generators, if power went out on a starship, everyone would be dead within in a week.  No one around to save you, no one around to hear your distress calls.  That’s messed up.  I’d never sign up for something like that.”

“You be surprised…” Pavel started, but thought better of it.

“No, I wouldn’t.  Trust me.  Death in outer space is gruesome.  It’s not like passing away in your sleep or just slowly running out of oxygen and freezing.  Ebullism, hypoxia, hypocapnia, _plus_ decompression sickness?  Hell no.  No!  The _least_ severe part of space exposure is that your skin and eyeballs freeze.  Your body starts to swell within ten seconds of exposure, and then you’re practically paralyzed within thirty.  Sometimes people can’t even stay awake _that_ long and lose consciousness in as little as fifteen seconds.  Your lungs collapse and _freeze_ inside you.  Bubbles form in your blood as you choke and turn to freeze-dried meat inside and out.  After ninety seconds, you’re as good as dead.  You can’t breathe.  You can’t even scream.  Some people rupture internally because they try to fight against the decompression.  If there’s a breach in the hull, there’s no surviving.  And there’s certainly no dying in a peaceful fashion.”

“Yeah, but what about all the safety measures and precautions?” Pavel rebutted.  “It’s not like they just—”

“Do you think the universe is going to stop being hostile just because they put an extra couple layers of metal around the hull?  Airlocks and safety seals mean _nothing_ when you can’t breathe or move, and there’s not an ounce of hope if you get sucked out of a pressurized starship traveling at warp.”  Leonard started to turn pale and green.  “No, no way.  My aviophobia is _completely_ founded.  You can’t convince me otherwise.  You’ll never catch me in space.  I’d rather _die_.”

Pavel swallowed hard.  “Oh,” he managed.  “Well, I—um—well, sorry.  I shouldn’t have brought it up.”  He stared awestricken at Leonard until his face turned its natural color.  “Wow,” he muttered under his breath.  He couldn’t imagine the stern medical doctor paling at anything, much less the mention of outer space.  Sure, Dr. McCoy had complained about being in space numerous times, but he certainly never paled at the fact or showed a sign of weakness.  In fact, Pavel had never seen much more than a scowl or grimace on the doctor’s face.  He only ever smiled or laughed around the Captain, and even then, it was temporary.  He always returned to the same unaffected broodiness that had long been his default.

The tension was broken by Ellie, who emerged from the house smiling brighter than ever.  “Happy birthday!” She announced in a singsong voice.  Pavel tried not to wince at the words.

“Thanks, Elle,” he smiled.  David emerged shortly after her, far less upbeat and cheerful.

“Lord knows it’s too early for this shit,” he grumbled.  “This banshee wouldn’t let me stay in bed,” he teased, nudging Ellie with his elbow.

“It’s Pavel’s special day!” she exclaimed.  “He’s up bright and early, so we should be too!”

They all sat on the porch and talked for a while, until around ten o’clock, when Ellie started getting restless.

“You got something scratching at your brainstem?” David asked.

“I’m just waiting for Pavel to ask about his present!”

“He wants to act like today’s normal day, and I think we should respect that.”

“But it’s _too_ normal,” she fussed.  “He should be doing things and having fun, not just sitting around and talking.”

“He looks pretty happy to me,” David said, “but if you want to distract him, go right ahead.”

Grinning, Ellie leapt up and fetched the cake and envelope from inside.

“It’s my great-grandma’s secret recipe,” she explained proudly.  “It’s absolutely delicious.  One day I’ll pass it on to you and Leonard; it always goes down to the family’s next generation.” 

Pavel couldn’t help but smile. 

The cake was wonderful, and he appreciated all of Ellie’s hard work, but eating made him feel sick.  He couldn’t bear to think of what the cake stood for, what it signified.  All he could think of was the fact that thousands of miles away, his mother was in labor, ready to give birth to a paradox.

“So how does it feel to be an adult?” David asked.  “Do you feel any wiser?”

Pavel choked out a nervous laugh.  “Far from it,” he admitted.  “Besides,” he added, “I wasn’t born until noon, so I’m not an adult yet.”  _Won’t be born until noon,_ he mentally corrected, feeling nauseous.

Leonard smiled at him from across the table.  _Maybe this will all work out,_ Pavel hoped. _I guess it’s not so bad._

“Aren’t you going to open your present?” Ellie asked eagerly.  She was beaming from ear to ear, as if the gift were for her.

“Oh,” Pavel said.  “Of course.”  He reached for the envelope and tore it open carefully.  The card inside it read:

_To our dearest Pavel,_

_We know you miss home, but we hope you’ve found a surrogate home with us. You’re like one of the family to us, and we love you very much.  Happy birthday, sweetie, and think of us in your travels._

_Love always,  
Ellie, David, and Leonard_

Inside the card were two plane tickets, valid until the start of next autumn. The destination read in bold print:  **DOMODEDOVO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, MOSCOW, RUSSIA**.

Pavel was quiet for a long time.

“Thank you,” Pavel croaked, his voice failing him.  “I don’t know what to say.”  He slid the tickets back into the card and the card into the envelope, placing it on the table before him. 

“If you’re worried about us spending too much money on you, don’t worry, dear.  It didn’t dent our budget too much.  We just want you to be happy, and you’re worth it,” Ellie explained.  “Besides, we thought you might want Leonard to meet your parents at some point.  You could show him around your home town, and go see the sights.”

“That is very considerate.  Thank you.”  Pavel imagined it.  He knew he could never go back to Russia.  Leonard could never meet his family.  It would tear a hole in everything that’s right.

“Here, dear. Have another piece of cake,” she said, heaping a generous portion of chocolate cake onto his dish.  Pavel tried his hardest to eat it.

The topic of conversation moved gradually from Pavel’s birthday to more lucrative discussion, and Pavel finally started to feel better.  Being with the McCoy’s distracted him from the worry of space and time and universal contradiction.  While they talked, he failed to notice the time passing, and he didn’t realize that when David collapsed it was _exactly_ when the clock struck noon.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

“David?  _David!_ ”  Ellie shrieked as he hit the ground.  David’s mouth opened and closed, miming words that he couldn’t form.  She was by his side in an instant, bent over his body and crying hysterically.  She put her head on his chest and tried frantically to perform chest compressions.

“Mom.  Mom!  I need you to stop,” Leonard soothed, grabbing her hands.  She looked up at him in horror and desperation, tears streaming down her face.  “Go call an ambulance.  I’ll check on him.”  He wiped a tear from her cheek and promised it would be alright.  She nodded feverishly in return, rushing into the kitchen to find her phone. 

Pavel watched in awe.  He was frozen to the spot.  Everything had seemed so normal, so right.  He couldn’t process what was happening.

Leonard kneeled down beside his father and checked his pulse.  “Don’t try to move,” he advised.  “Does anything hurt?” 

David’s mouth lolled open and closed mindlessly, like a fish.

“Can you understand me?”

David’s eyes widened and met Leonard’s.  He nodded silently and tried speaking again.  Nothing came out.  Leonard snapped Pavel out of his daze, asking him to get a pillow for David’s head, and by the time the ambulance arrived, Pavel was clear minded and at work calming Ellie’s nerves. Leonard explained what happened as the paramedics carried David to the hovercraft on a stretcher, and when Pavel finally managed to calm Ellie down, she climbed into the emergency shuttle behind him.  Leonard and Pavel followed the ambulance to the hospital.

By the time they arrived there, it was 12:24.  Pavel had been a contradiction for nearly half an hour, and he wished he could forget about it. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it.”  Leonard feigned a confident smile.  If Pavel had been looking, he’d have right through it.  “He’s going to be alright.”

Leonard touch Pavel’s arm, and their eyes met. Pavel felt something bubbling inside him—a need for truth or maybe just a desire to be sick.  But when he opened his mouth, it was too late. Leonard was already walking towards the welcome kiosk, and Pavel had no choice but to follow.

“Please state your name and intention,” came the two serene voice of the automated kiosk.

Leonard held Pavel’s hand.  “Leonard H. McCoy, visitation.”

“Please state the name of the patient you wish to visit.”

“David McCoy.”

“Familial connection validated.  Leonard McCoy, son of patient David McCoy.”  A little pink wristband was ejected from the kiosk printer. “Will there be any other visitors today?”

“Yes.  Pavel… McCoy,” Leonard hesitated, receiving a questioning glance from his doe-eyed partner.

“Relationship invalid. Please select option below.”

Leonard paused for moment and finally selected the option _Non-Nuclear Family Member_ ,and the kiosk spat out a blue wristband.  Leonard cursed under his breath and handed it to Pavel.

“I was hoping it would grant us the same clearance if we had the same last name,” he admitted bashfully.

Pavel nodded. It was almost a blessing, really, the Pavel’s last name hadn't been used.  International records would show many people by the name of Chekov, and he would have had to give blood to verify his identity.  He wondered how the computers would respond to a seventeen-year-old boy carrying a Russian newborn’s DNA 5,000 miles from his birthplace.  He shuddered at the thought.

They walk together to the ER waiting room, where the walls were painted blue.  Beyond the receptionist’s desk, the halls faded from blue to pink, and Leonard Pavel exchange short goodbyes.  Pavel sat anxiously as he watched the receptionist san Leonard wristband, and Leonard disappeared down the pink hallway.

For a brief moment, Leonard and Pavel experience a time dilation.  Time passed quickly for Leonard, who leafed painstakingly through his father's charts and questioned every doctor who came in contact with David.  But for Pavel it was slow, and each ticking of the clock felt like it was scraping away an extra hour away from his life.  By the time Leonard emerged from the candy-pink wormhole, Pavel felt like an old man, aged by his senseless worry and being left alone with his thoughts.

He wrapped to Leonard in his arms as though he were greeting an old friend, and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

“They need to keep him here overnight for tests,” Leonard explained tiredly.  He’d been looking over charts for hours and his eyes burned with overwork.

Young Leonard’s brow furrowed the same way the Pavel had seen a hundred times on the elder Dr. McCoy.  Only now, the facial expression bore significance to Chekov.  For the first time, Pavel recognized the pain and emotion behind Leonard’s eyes for what they were, and he began to realize that the grimace that was ever plastered to Dr. McCoy’s face held a similar agony.  Pavel prayed that he would never have to see that tortured expression on Leonard’s face again.  Pavel offered to drive him home and held his hand all the way until they were back in the country home’s driveway.

“How are you?” Pavel asked.

“Mom says she’ll call us in the morning to let us know how Dad’s doing.”

“But how are _you_?”

Leonard paused for a long while. “I’m worried,” he said.  “I’m scared and confused… but I’ll be alright.”

Pavel gave his hand to squeeze and they went inside.  As the sun was setting behind overgrown trees, the boys collapsed beside one another on the couch.

Leonard laughed dryly, “Some birthday you’re having, huh?”

Pavel groaned.  Leonard hugged him around the waist.

“Dad wouldn’t want you to be worried about him. He hates pity, and he really wanted you to have a good day.”

“David is a good man.”  Pavel smiled.  “He reminds me a lot of you.”

“He does his best.  He can be a good guy.”

“Is that all you think of him?”

“Well, I’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He took a liking to you right away, but he’s always been brutal to me.  I never felt like I was good enough for him.”

“But he loves you so much.  He’s just not good at showing it.”

“I know,” Leonard nodded, “deep down, he _does_ care about me, but I think if he’d told me that once in a while when I was a kid, I wouldn’t be the way I am today.”

“The way you are?” Pavel asked, straightening up and looking Leonard in the eye.  Leonard seemed so perfect to him.  He couldn’t imagine what was so bad about being the way he is.

Leonard was at a loss for words.  His problems were always so clear to him, he’d always assumed that other people could sense them too.  “My insecurities and the way I treat people, I guess. I push people away.  I hate vulnerability, so I don’t let people in, and I stay away from them if they try to get too close.  You’re just about the closest I’ve let anyone get.  I’d rather go through life unattached than live with the fear of getting hurt. ”  He felt as though Pavel’s eyes were boring into him. 

“But what about all the people you’ve dated?” he asked skeptically.

Leonard sighed and leaned his head against a pillow.  “I always left.  It never lasted more than a couple weeks.  If anyone asked about my family or feelings, I’d get uncomfortable and push them away.  I guess I just wanted an excuse to leave them before they could leave me.”  He smiled dryly, almost appreciating the irony of his habit.  “But as soon as I was alone, I was miserable again, so I’d find a new partner and repeat the process.”  With broken eyes, she looked toward Pavel, wondering how much longer he had until he got scared and pushed him away.  This boy had peaked past more of Leonard’s barriers and all of his partners combined, and he knew that would only make the fallout so much more painful.

Pavel scooted closer and moved one of Lenord’s dark tresses out of his face. “Please don’t push me away,” he whispered, pleadingly.  “I don’t know what you are afraid of, but I won’t hurt you, and I won’t leave.  I- I care about you, Leonard.”

He intertwined his fingers with Leonard’s, and there was silence as they stared into each other’s eyes.  Leonard felt his heart palpitating and he wanted so badly to tell Pavel that he cares about him too.  Before either of them could figure out what to say, their lips were locked and they kissed passionately until they were out of breath.

When Leonard finally pulled away, three words fell out of his mouth and made his stomach churn.  “I love you,” he blurted breathlessly, hating himself the moment he said it.

Pavel was quiet.  “How do I know you won’t abandon me like all the others?  You said I’m already closer to you than any of them got.”

Leonard swallowed hard and told Pavel the truth. “I don’t know.”

He tried to hide his disappointment.

“I mean,” Leonard tried again, “I don’t know how to explain it.  All my life I picked fights or told lies to get people to leave me alone, but then once I was alone I was just as miserable.  I was in this constant drift between wanting to be loved and being afraid of love.  And I knew that once I was in love I would be happy, but if it ended I’d be worse off than before… and I was already pretty bad.  I always left before I could care too much, but with you I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” 

“Because,” Leonard put his head in his hands, “it’s too late.  It was too late before we even had our first kiss, Pavel.  I’ve been vulnerable with you for months, and that’s not something I can just take back and ignore.  I’ve had feelings for you since you started working with me in dad’s garage.  It’s too late, and at this point I wouldn’t be protecting myself by leaving.  I would just be hurting myself.  Besides,” he added with a big sigh, “I feel as if I’ve known you all my life.  You’re too important to let go.”

Leonard shook his head as if everything he’d confessed sounded crazy.  He was already in so deep, he felt like drowning.  He’d never been this open before, and he hoped he wouldn’t live to regret it.  Pavel’s fingers brushed his face, and suddenly he felt like he could breathe again.

“Do you mean it?” Pavel asked, his eyes full of wonder.

“Every word.”

Leonard leaned in for another kiss, and Pavel held him close, wrapping his arms around Leonard’s neck. Happily, they lay down together and cuddled, Pavel’s head resting on Leonard’s chest so he could listen to the heartbeat. 

“I love you, too,” Pavel said finally, nestling against Leonard’s chest.

They were silent for a long time, and Leonard ran his fingers through Pavel’s curls, thinking about how far they’d come.  He couldn’t remember ever having been this happy before and wondered if he could ever hope to be this happy again.

“And I’m _not_ going to leave you,” Pavel whispered.

“Promise?” Leonard asked skeptically.

“Yes.  I swear it.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I went back and read chapters 1 through 10 of this fanfiction, and I realized that I was missing one of my most important chapters. (HOW COULD I LET THAT HAPPEN??) After searching frantically through ALL of my notebooks and word documents, I finally found the chapter I was looking for! The following chapter is meant to be chapter 9. This chapter picks up right AFTER David shot the deer, and right BEFORE Pavel's birthday party. I am SO sorry for this mistake. Believe me, I'm probably much more upset about this mistake than you are.
> 
> P.S. I know I’ve left a few of you loyal readers on pins and needles about Leonard’s dad for the last couple months (I’ve been extremely busy – you wouldn’t believe how packed my schedule is!) so I’m going to give you a quick, vague “spoiler” about what I have planned for the next couple chapters (do not read if you do not want to know what is coming!!!!!!): David is alive, but not doing well. He is, in a manner of speaking, crippled, and has suffered some severe damage to his brain. In the upcoming chapters, I will explain what happened to David medically and show a little bit of how the family is coping with his newly discovered medical problems. Leonard will begin his training in medical school, and Pavel will start being a primary figure in the household while David is out of commission.

For several days, the McCoys and Pavel relaxed, undisturbed by the outside world.  Every day proved more pleasant than the last, and each day brought Pavel and Leonard closer together.  To pass the time, they talked endlessly, walking around the expanse of the land and lying out to look at the stars every night.  Sometimes as the sun was setting, David would build a campfire, and the family would lounge around it telling stories in the cool night air.

One day, while watching David arrange kindling and firewood over his tinder, Pavel asked why David never elected to use a fire kit.  By 2150, most campers had grown tired of traditional of fire craft.  Instant gratification became an indisputable necessity, and the hunter-gatherer method of fire building was considered a gross misuse of technology.  Gresco, a major company in the sporting goods industry, patented a new, more efficient way of setting up campfires, replacing all of the naturally flammable materials with synthetic substitutes.  Gresco boasted it as a time-saver, a world-changer, and an all-around better way to enjoy nature.  David often laughed and said it was nothing more than a corporate money-maker.

“It would be so much easier to just use a kit,” Pavel tried to explain.  “I’ve seen one in the shed.  I could go get it if you want.”

David looked up at him and laughed.  “Kid, just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s best.”

Pavel knitted his eyebrows together, trying to understand what he meant.  “But… fire kits are reusable and waterproof.  They don’t even produce as much smoke as wood fires.”

David smiled and watched the tinder catch alight.  “Just because technology makes things easier doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do things for ourselves once in a while.”  He grabbed another log for the fire and threw some tinder down under it.  “There’s much more satisfaction in knowing how to do things for yourself than there is in pressing a stupid button.  You know, that’s what people used to do.  They had to do complex math in their head and build houses with their hands.  They used to fix things when they were broken and grow their own food instead of stopping by the store.  It was a better way to do things back then.”

“Sounds awful if you ask me,” Ellie laughed.

“Dad’s always liked to romanticize the past.”

“I’m a _traditionalist_ ,” he corrected proudly.  “I think there’s value in having some old fashioned values.”

Pavel nodded, thinking back to the way things were in the old days, as he’d learned in his history studies.  He couldn’t fathom that anyone would idolize that harsh kind of lifestyle.  While there were some values of hard work, there were also values of intolerance and persecution, values of greed and exploitation.  It was a world where superficiality was revered and normalized, as if there was nothing wrong with a life of judgment and discrimination.  Pavel tried not to get caught up in remembering the problems of the past, but it was difficult.  That world was so barbaric and strange to him.

“He’s also determined to survive in an android apocalypse,” Leonard joked, shaking Pavel from his train of thought.

“Damn right!” David cheered.  “Those things give me the creeps.”

Ellie just rolled her eyes and smiled. 

Pavel laughed at their friendly banter, but experienced a sinking feeling in his gut, reminding him he didn’t belong where he was.  In 2245, sitting there with the McCoys, Pavel knew that humanoid robots were in their early stages of development.  However, he also knew things that the McCoy’s didn’t know, things that they wouldn’t experience for years and couldn’t imagine if they tried.  For them, in their feeble perception of the present, there was a lot of mystery shrouded around the concept of androids.  Private investors and engineering companies didn’t want media coverage to report on unfinished and imperfect prototypes; they feared that public disapproval would cause their funding to be cut.  So in response to the mystery of android development, the public joked about android armies being cultivated to rise up and enslave the human race.  A few pop-culture cult books had even emerged with titles like _‘How to Survive an Android Attack’_ and _‘Android Apocalypse: Fact or Fiction?’_   Of course, Pavel knew that by 2260, Starfleet had already started using androids aboard their ships and found the results to be quite effective.  Androids learned extremely quickly.  They were less likely to overlook protocol, and they were programmed with no capability for hostility or anger.  They became a nearly perfect product that produced nearly perfect results almost every time.  They were four times more productive than human beings and cost a fraction of the price to sustain.  Almost everyone aboard the _Enterprise_ loved having them around to pick up slack and help with mundane everyday tasks.

“Honestly, I think androids are a little creepy,” Leo admitted, “but Dad says when I graduate from med school he’s going to buy me the best one he can find.”  Leonard smiled at the thought.  “They’re creepy as hell, but I think it’ll be his way of finally showing me he’s proud.  I’m actually kind of excited about it.”

Dr. McCoy hated having androids in the medbay.  Just the site of them made him angry and bitter towards everyone around.  He grumbled that he was “droidphobic” and referred to them as “rusting shreds of inhumanity” on a regular basis.  Jim always teased him that his hatred was just an irrational fear, but Leonard insisted that he had a very good reason to hate being around them.

Leonard reached out for Pavel’s hand and took it happily.  Pavel wanted so badly to know what made him afraid of androids in the medbay, but he knew Leonard wouldn’t know how to answer.  He wanted to tell Leo all about how androids are harmless and helpful, how he’s from the future, and how he’s seen it all work out for himself; but he knew Leonard would never believe him.  He would probably just stare at Pavel for a second, and then the corner of his eyes would crinkle and he’d throw back his head and laugh.  He would laugh as if it was nothing.  He would laugh as if Pavel wasn’t admitting the biggest secret in his life.

Honestly, Pavel hated thinking about the future.  It no longer made him ache with homesickness, but thinking of what was to come reminded him that he was lost in time.  Remembering the future meant remembering his mission and remembering what Dr. McCoy was like as an adult.  The Leonard he knew now was so handsome, so young and full of life.  He was always smiling, as if he felt that something—or maybe everything—was right with the world.  The Dr. McCoy on the _Enterprise_ rarely smiled, and when he did, it was only with a hint of sadness or bitterness behind the display.  It made Pavel sick to think of Leo ever becoming such a miserable and lonely man.  And if the pain of Dr. McCoy’s mentality wasn’t enough, there was also his disease.  Pavel had woken several times to nightmares of Dr. McCoy dying in a future that was out of his control.  With every laugh and smile, Pavel was haunted by the idea that Leonard may not be laughing and smiling in the future he left behind.

In fact, there was still no assurance that Pavel’s mission had been a success.  Without the ability to go back to his rightful time period, he’d never know if the vaccine would even work.  Medicine was a tricky business, and time travel was a new form of science, still in its infant stages of development.  There were three major ways that time travel could work, but no way for Pavel to tell which would be the real result.

The first theory, which was mostly believed by theists and traditionalists, was called Temporal Predestination.  According to Predestination theory, all roads inevitably led to the same outcome.  A person may try to change the past, but no matter what they do, the future will remain unchanged.  By this theory, no matter what a person does while they are in the past, their actions will only cause the outcome that they knew in the future.  Academics taught this with a bit of good-natured teasing, the way a paleo-biologist would explain creationism to a college class.  It was only mentioned in the curriculum as a vague and poorly-received possibility.  Scientists of the twenty-third century found the idea of fate rather absurd in comparison to the concept of free will.

The second theory was plausible, but required much more thought.  In the Prime Timeline, McCoy was sick, but he was only sick because of the circumstances that happened in that Prime Timeline.  When Pavel went back and changed those circumstances, the timeline branched off and created a new sequence of events.  This new sequence of happenings would form an Alternate Timeline because the new sequence of events would result in an alternate reality that takes place in a dimension parallel to the prime reality.  The alternate reality would not cancel out the Prime Timeline because without the Prime Timeline, Pavel would never have been able to go back in time.  Pavel would then carry on living in the Alternate universe he created with Leonard, and in the Alternate Timeline, Leonard would not share the fate of Prime Dr. McCoy.  However, according to this theory, the Prime Timeline would carry on unchanged.  Prime McCoy would die along with the entire Atlanta area, while Alternate Leonard would survive.  By this theory, Prime McCoy could never survive, and Pavel’s attempt would leave the future he came from unchanged and out of reach.

Pavel had no choice but to hope for the third possibility.  In the theory of Erasure, a time traveler could return to the past and create an alternate turn of events that defies the multiple universe theory.  The Prime timeline would be eliminated and destroyed the moment the time traveler arrives in the past, and an alternate sequence of events would be allowed to replace it.  This theory relies on the principle that time is perceived as a linear structure, rather than a multidimensional one.  If time can truly only go forwards and backwards, as if in a straight line, then it is certain that Pavel’s journey to the past will change the future.  By going backwards in time, he would have eliminated the previous future and built a new foundation for a different future to arise.  In this future, McCoy would never grow ill.  He would spend the rest of his life with Pavel and his family.  By this theory, the illness and misery of the Prime timeline would never happen.  They could create a new future for themselves where anything could happen.

There were three possibilities, three theories, and Pavel hadn’t the slightest idea which one was the truth.  Pavel rubbed his temples and tried to focus on the present, pushing all thoughts and fears of the future to the back of his mind.

“You alright, darling?” Leonard asked.

“No,” he answered.  “I don’t feel well.  I need to go inside.”

And without another word, Pavel walked into the house and didn’t turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for nagging me to continue writing this fanfic! I started to lose inspiration and didn’t think that anyone cared that much about how the story would continue, so I put it on the backburner and focused on school and theater for a little while. If you guys didn’t keep pushing me, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to update this, and your support really does mean the world to me. Thanks for staying loyal even though I haven’t updated in months! Don’t ever be afraid to nag me about this kind of thing!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I forgot about this story, didn't you?

When Leonard’s communicator chirped, the sun had risen just enough to give the atmosphere of the living room a dull glow.  Pavel was still fast asleep, curled against Leonard’s chest, but Leonard didn’t have the heart to move him.  The communicator chirped again.

“Hello?” he yawned into the receiver.  He was silent for a while and Pavel started to stir.  “Is he alright?  …  No kidding….  Jeez.  Alright, yeah, see you then.”

Leonard put down his communicator and rubbed his eyes.  He could already feel the oncoming stress headache, he and figured it would last him a few months at least. 

“Was that your mother?” Pavel slurred, lifting his head off of Leonard’s chest.

Leo couldn’t help but smile at how thick Pavel’s accent was when he was sleepy.  “Yeah, we have to go pick up her and dad soon.”

“How is he?”

“I-” Leonard paused.  “I really don’t know.  It sounds like a lot of stuff is wrong.  Tumors, strokes, some motor problems, too, I guess.” 

Pavel ran his fingers through his hair and muttered to himself in Russian. 

“They had to do surgery.”

Pavel’s mouth fell open. 

“I know….  It’s barbaric, but it was the only way.  They couldn’t even get all of the growths out because they were wrapped around his nerves.”

 “Should we be worried?” Pavel asked, his eyes already wide with concern.

Leonard resisted the urge to question Pavel’s wording.  “We” seemed to imply so much that Leonard had never considered before, but now that it was said out loud, the word “we” made sense.  Pavel thought of himself as a part of the McCoy family, and he felt David was as much his concern as Leonard or Ellie’s.  It didn’t matter that Pavel was from another country or born from other parents.  What mattered was that when Pavel was with the McCoys, he felt like he was home.  He was finally free to be himself, and he was finally somewhere he felt he belonged.  What’s more, it seemed to imply a sense of solidarity between the two boys.  In the past, Leonard did whatever he could to avoid being part of a “we.”  He jumped between friends; he jumped between partners.  He did whatever it took to keep from being locked down and tried to develop an aversion to the concept of “we.”  It was just easier that way.  If the only one Leonard counted on was himself, then he didn’t have to worry about falling apart when the “we” failed.  In the back of his mind, Leonard recognized this, and he wondered what was so different now to make him trust the word on Pavel’s lips.  Had he changed or did Pavel somehow make things different?  None of it seemed to make sense.

“Leonard, should we be worried?” Pavel repeated.

“I— sorry.  I don’t know.  This is all pretty new to me.”

“Well, let’s not waste time,” Pavel said standing up.  “Come on.”

The drive to the hospital seemed infinitely longer than it did the previous night.  By the time they were halfway there, Leonard was already tapping his fingers against the steering wheel and muttering under his breath about people driving too slowly.  Pavel started to understand that Dr. McCoy was never a patient man, even in his youth.  When the boys pulled up to the hospital, Ellie was waiting outside, standing behind David, who sat lethargically in a wheelchair, the circumference of his head wrapped in gauze.  Ellie clearly hadn’t slept at all. 

Leonard tried to make light of the situation.  “I can’t believe Dad let them put him in that thing.  He always said he’d rather die than be treated like an invalid!”

Ellie shot him a tired glare that made him apologize, and he watched his father’s gaze bore into the back of the passenger seat.  His eyes closed after a while, and he let his head loll to the side as if he were falling asleep.

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah,” Ellie said, sounding like she couldn’t breathe.  “He’s just a little tired from the sedatives right now.  That’s all.”  She wiped at her eyes and motioned for Leonard to start driving.  She didn’t utter another word for hours, but when they arrived home, she handed Leonard a medical report written by one of the doctors who treated David, which explained in detail what happened to David.

When Leonard and Pavel had left the hospital the night before, the medical technicians took David in for MRI’s.  In the left hemisphere of his brain, they found several small clusters of tumors bundled around David’s nerve endings.  The hospital had a atrophizer, which deteriorates tumor cells without an incision, but the tumors were too tightly bound around the nerves to ensure that the nerve endings would be undamaged.  They had no choice but to perform a surgical operation.  There were three main clusters of tumors in his brain and several smaller ones throughout the left hemisphere.  The cluster that caused him to collapse was the largest and densest, pressing against David’s carotid artery and limiting the amount of blood flow to his brain, causing several severe strokes.  The surgeons were able to remove the arterial tumor, along with a few of the smaller clusters that had gathered on the exterior of the brain, but imbedded deep in the cerebellum and frontal lobe of his brain were clusters that the surgeons didn’t dare to remove. 

In the past, this operation would have required many days of inpatient recovery, but with the use of new medicines and new methods of healing tissues, the physicians sped up the process by weeks.  Still, David was in poor shape.  The strokes left the right side of his body paralyzed, and there were still tumors lodged deep in his brain.

“I don’t understand,” Pavel said after reading the note.  “Why couldn’t they remove them all?”  It was bad enough that David had to undergo surgery, but it was far worse to consider that he should have to undergo something so archaic without conclusive results.

“The other tumors are too deep.  Injure the prefrontal cortex and you cause brain damage.  Injure the hindbrain and—” Leonard stopped.

“And what?”

Leonard looked away.  “It’s not good.”

Within twenty-four hours, the McCoys were packed and headed back to the suburbs of Atlanta in silence.  Although Leonard drove forward, he couldn’t fight his nature to look back.

In the rearview mirror, he could see David drifting in and out of consciousness, his body still tired from the pain and medication.  Each time David woke, he looked over to make sure Ellie was still beside him, and although he couldn’t feel it, she held his hand the entire way home.  He was too tired to speak, but he looked at his wife and tried his hardest to smile.  His grin always slumped to one side because of the paralysis, but with each attempt, Ellie whispered, “I love you too, darlin’.  Just rest.”

For days, that drive was all Leonard could think about.  His father, his mother, they both struck him as such flawed people, yet when they were together, none of that mattered.  Together, they might as well be perfect.  They balanced each other out.  Ellie and David were the perfect prototype of a nurtured love, and although the road was not always smooth, they bore the bumps and turns together.  They loved each other in every way that David was always too afraid to love.  How could he be so afraid of love with his parents as an example? 

Pavel held Leonard’s hand the entire way home. 

Back at the house, Ellie stayed by David’s bedside for weeks, rarely taking care of herself the way that she cared for David.  They boys had to remind her her to eat and sleep, but most of her meals went cold and untouched, forgotten in the process of caring for her husband.

In tandem, the boys started to pick up the slack around the house.  The doctors advised that David be under as little stress as possible, and since he was so frequently medicated, he had trouble completing day-to-day tasks on his own.  A week of bed rest and two weeks of steroid-assisted physical therapy were prescribed.  Leonard did his best to convince himself that this kind of recovery time was normal, but deep down it worried him.  Medical problems rarely took more than a week to heal.

While David was incapacitated, Leonard began his first year at university and started working as a cook in a local restaurant.  Meanwhile, Pavel took over David’s family business to help take care of the bills.  With Ellie staying so loyally by David’s side, it was left to the boys to care for the household, and for the most part they did a good job.  They were united in their worry for David, but they worked together to take care of him and Ellie.  Then at night, when Leonard was tired from school and Pavel was exhausted from work, they would lie in their room talk about happier things, imagining all the ways life will be better once David recovered.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as David was able to stand, he insisted that everyone stop treating him like a baby.  With a scowl, he reminded them that he was grown man who didn’t need help from anyone.  He shuffled miserably around the house with a cane and snapped at anyone who tried to help him.  Leonard and Pavel, who had grown used to doing everything themselves, were shoved out of the way and had their toes stomped on by David’s cane whenever they tried to lend a hand.

“He’s just grumpy from the medicine,” Ellie said, pulling her shawl tighter around her.  “Just grumpy from the medicine.  That’s all.”

For a time, David’s health seemed to be on the rise.  He managed to regain most of his mobility, and it seemed as though his daily injections of dendrite stimulant were helping him to regain feeling and strength in his paralyzed muscles.  Even his mood seemed to improve.  David spent most of his time supervising and helping Pavel in the garage while Leonard attended his university classes, and he found that Pavel had taken it upon himself to advertise the business and bring in a new influx of first-time customers.  Pavel began offering services that David had never offered before, and he managed to save the family thousands of dollars by building and installing an organic energy generator out of spare parts lying around the shop.  His basic understanding of futuristic engineering made him a quick learner when it came to fixing shuttles, and he often snuck futuristic technology into his working process to make the time go by faster.

“Well, damn, Pavel,” David said one day as he was tallying up the day’s profit.  “If I’d had a son like you to begin with, these last eighteen years would have run a lot smoother!”

From David’s workbench, Leonard sighed.  To pay for David’s medical bills, Pavel and Leonard had taken it upon themselves to run the household.  Ellie took a leave of absence from work to take care of David because the family couldn’t afford a proper nursing drone, and to compensate, Leonard began working a part-time job while he went to school full-time in a nationally renowned pre-medical program. 

“How much money did you make last week, Leonard?  About a third of this?”

Leonard shrugged.

“See, Leo’s always worked hard, but you work smart, Pavel.  You don’t have to work so hard in the long run.  Leo, you know, if you learned a thing or two from Pavel, you wouldn’t be so tired all the time.”

Leonard gritted his teeth, but he kept studying his textbook.  “Okay.”

David turned to Pavel again.  “You’re really something, you know that, kid?  You’re keeping this whole damn family afloat. You make us really proud.”

Leonard slammed his book closed and walked out of the room.  “I can’t study with you guys talking,” he said bitterly.

When Pavel went to their bedroom to check on Leonard, the textbook laid open face down on the opposite side of the room, pages crumpled carelessly under its weight.  There was a scuff on the wall a few feet above the book, and Pavel wondered how hard Leonard threw it.

“Are you alright?” Pavel asked quietly.

Leonard’s back was turned, and he was staring out the window. “Do I look alright?” he spat.  His arms were crossed in front of him and every muscle appeared tense.  He was nearly trembling with anger.

Pavel approached slowly and reached his hand out, waiting patiently until Leonard’s expression softened and he finally acquiesced and took his hand.  Pavel placed his hand on Leo’s cheek and looked into his bloodshot eyes.

“No, you look tired,” he replied.  “You look like you work hard and don’t get the thanks you deserve.  You look like you need a break.”

“Yeah,” Leonard said, looking down.  “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine.  I know you hate admitting that something’s wrong, but it’s not good for you to hold everything in.”  Pavel kissed Leonard on the lips, deeply enough to distract him from his stress.  “I love you, and I appreciate everything you do.  You work so hard.  You deserve to unwind and enjoy yourself for once.” 

Leonard cracked a grateful smile.  Whatever bad mood he was in before was starting to ebb.  “What would I do without you?” he asked.  Leonard figured he would lose his mind if Pavel weren’t in his life.  “I’m not sure I could survive.”

 

For a few months, it seemed that David’s tumors were no longer a problem.  The remaining tumors that the surgery missed were small enough not to cause much trouble for a few months, but as time passed, they grew and David’s health gradually declined.  At first, David just kept dropping things: keys, plates, tools.  He’d curse under his breath and carry on as if nothing happened, his hands shaking a little.  Then, little by little, things got worse:  he fell down a flight of stairs and broke his wrist, he got lost coming home from the store, he had violent emotional outbursts. 

One night, Leonard walked into the kitchen to find David crying because he couldn’t figure out how to unlock the front door.  He fell to Leonard’s feet and begged him never to tell a soul.  When Leonard agreed to keep the episode between them, David laughed manically and hugged his legs, repeating, “thank you,” over and over.  When Leonard tried to pull away from David, David’s joy turned to irritation, and he began screaming and hitting his son as if they were in a struggle.

For a while, no one was sure what was wrong, but MRI scans showed that the tumors were overwhelming David’s cerebellum and forebrain.  His motor skills and emotional restraint became more erratic, and he lost the ability to act and think logically.  The doctors suggested another surgery, but David refused treatment.  They prescribed sedatives for when David’s emotions got out of hand, but other than that, there wasn’t much they could do without his consent.

It didn’t seem right to Leonard.  David wasn’t himself anymore, yet they were forced to live with him and take care of him in this state.  He was loud and violent when he didn’t get his way, and when he was behaving, he was prone to injury due to his impaired motor skills.  Ellie, Leonard, and Pavel learned to tread lightly, avoiding any topics that might send him over the brink of neuroticism, but David’s emotions hardly needed tinder to ignite.  He spent weeks in bouts of depression, refusing to speak to anyone or change out of his filthy clothes.  At other times, he was all anger and a short fuse, waiting to go off at any moment.  Leonard couldn’t help but think that he really wasn’t David anymore.  He wasn’t anyone.  David had just become a face that looked like his father.  There was no familiar personality behind his eyes.

Eventually, Ellie was fired from her job.  She had taken too much time off of work, and her bosses replaced her with someone younger, more efficient, and less likely to prioritize family before her career.  Within the first month of unemployment, she took to drinking.  She cried every day, and she was covered with bruises from the times that David lost his temper.  The boys were covered in bruises, too, but they were careful not to let Ellie see; she had enough to worry about without being reminded that her boys were abused as well.  Every night, as Leonard and Pavel prepared for bed, Leonard counted Pavel’s bruises and swore under his breath.

“It’s okay,” Pavel said.  “They don’t hurt.”

Of course, it was a lie.

 “No.  No, it’s not okay.”  Leonard shook his head.  “I’ve been trying to save up enough money to get him out of here.”

“How?  We can barely pay the bills.”

“There’s a sickhome… for schizophrenics and psychos.  I explained the situation to them.  They said they’d be willing to help.”

“But he’s not-”

“I know, but… he _is_.  I need to keep him away from you and mom.  They have good facilities there.  They’ll be able to keep him safe, and I’ll keep us safe.”

Pavel shook his head.  “We can’t afford it.  Ellie isn’t working.”

“I got another job.  Don’t tell anyone.  If dad finds out…” Leonard trailed off.

“Is that why you look so tired?  You’re going school full-time _and_ working two jobs?”

Leonard looked down.  “I’m doing it for you.”

Pavel held him close and was quiet for a long time.  After everything that happened, he never imagined that life would lead him here.  He was just a pendulum swinging between sense and chaos.  As soon as he was comfortable with one lifestyle, he was thrust unwillingly into another.  “Okay, Leonard,” he said.  “Let me help.”


	14. Chapter 14

Eyes and body aching, Leonard sat down at the kitchen table.  He didn’t even bother to close the front door when he came in.  It would have been just another pointless motion adding to the sum of his day.  He came in and sat, resting his head on his forearm, hoping for a moment’s peace before chaos besieged him again.  Leonard nearly drifted off to sleep before he felt the hair on the back of his neck raise.

The house was quiet.  Silent.

He couldn’t hear Ellie cursing under her breath, throwing tumblers of amber relief down her throat, nor David stomping around in his clumsy, meaningless anger.  Everything was still, and the house’s pleasant reticence made Leonard sick.

“Oh god,” Leonard said, feeling his stomach in his throat.  Ellie never left the house anymore.  David was too confused to be let out of the home.  Pavel cared too much for the family to let himself escape.

“Oh god,” he moaned, feeling sicker and sicker.  Pavel wasn’t in the garage.  Ellie wasn’t asleep on the couch.  David wasn’t tramping around, getting into trouble and shouting unempty threats of abuse and suicide.  Leonard checked every room in the house— Once. — Twice. — Again. —and circled the perimeter of the grounds.  His searching became panicked, urgent.  They had to be nearby.  They had to be.  They had to be.  Bile rising in his throat, Leonard called Pavel’s communicator.  No answer.  He called Ellie.  Nothing.

The worst scenarios darted through his mind, buzzing around like mosquitoes too fast to swat away.  Maybe David ran away, and they were out looking for him.  He could have gotten angry, stormed off, jumped off a bridge into the Chattahoochee.  Maybe he got confused, wandered out, didn’t know where he was.  He could trip in the street and get hit by a car, dying pathetically like a dog.  No.  No, a McCoy would have too much pride to die like that.  David was crazy, but fate was too malign to end Leonard’s travail and suffering that easily.  Maybe his irrationality finally took him too far.  Maybe he snapped and fulfilled all those threats he never quite managed to carry out.  Maybe Pavel and Ellie left the house for their own safety, and he followed.  Maybe he already hurt them, or they were already in danger.  Maybe if Leonard had been home nothing would have happened.

Leonard’s chest constricted.  He called their communicators again and again, pacing the house, but no one answered.  After a while, he found Pavel’s communicator abandoned on a workbench in the garage, surrounded by tools that Pavel didn’t bother to put away.  Pavel never left his communicator at home.  He was too meticulous.  He was always prepared, organized.  He always cleaned up after himself.  He must have left in a hurry.

Nearly an hour had gone by.  There was still no sign of Elle and Pavel, so Leonard got into his car and drove.  He couldn’t sit at home and do nothing.  He was useless.  He was scared.  More than anything, he was alone, and the solitude was so powerful and all encompassing that it was nearly palpable in his vehicle as he sped down the road.  The man he feared more than anything and the only two people he feared losing were missing from the same house.  His lungs burned, and with each inhalation his body seemed to reject more and more oxygen.  Leonard’s thoughts raced and his body convulsed, submitting to the panic. 

 

When Pavel found him, he was lying in the hallway, next to a pool of his own vomit.  His skin was pale and his hair and clothes were drenched in sweat.  He was lying on his side, staring straight ahead at the emptiness of the wall in front of him.

Pavel was saying things.

_“Something something Leonard.”_

To Leo, in that beautifully serene moment, everything sounded like he was underwater.

_“Something something help!”_

Everything moved in slow motion, and Leonard smiled weakly.  He was dizzy, but his muscles relaxed.

_“Something something please!”_

Ellie came running up the stairs.  She said things, too, in that strange muffled babble that Leonard couldn’t process.  Leonard only saw her feet.  It was like one of those 3D animations Leonard watched as a kid where the animals would talk to one another, and Leonard always wondered why the humans in the animation could not understand the animals.  Everything was just noise.  Leonard distantly wondered whether he was supposed to be the human or the animal.  He didn’t feel like either.

Talking in more beautiful noise, Ellie and Pavel sat Leonard up so that his back was against the wall.  They kept saying things, but nothing made sense.  None of it mattered.  Leonard’s body was so tired.  Now that he knew they were safe, he just wanted to rest.

“What’s wrong?”

“What happened?”

Leonard shook his head languidly, partially to clear away his foggy disorientation and partially to express how unimportant the answers to their questions were.  His voice cracked a little when he finally spoke.  “Seventy seven.”

Pavel took his hand and stared at him with silent concern.

“Seventy seven,” Leonard repeated weakly.  “I called seventy seven times.  Each.”

Pavel’s worry fell instantly into compassion and regret.  Ellie just averted her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Pavel said.  “We had to leave without notice.  David was all right most of the day….  We thought he went upstairs to sleep because he was so quiet, but instead he jumped out of his window.”

“Fell,” Ellie interrupted, her knuckles turning white and the brims of her eyes turning red.  “He didn’t jump.  He fell.”

Pavel spoke gently.  “His bed sheet was tied around his neck and the windowpane.  He was trying to hang himself, but the sheet didn’t hold, so he fell two stories.”

“It was an accident,” Ellie corrected, rubbing her sweaty palms against her pants.  “He wasn’t trying to kill himself.”

Leonard didn’t seem to be listening to either one of them.  “I thought you were dead,” he said quietly.  “I thought you were dead.  You were missing, and I thought he killed you.  The cop told me I was nuts.”

“You called he police?”

“I wrecked the car.  I couldn’t breathe.  I wanted to file a report, but they said I was overreacting.  They said two hours isn’t enough time for a person to be legally ‘missing.’  That was five hours ago.”  Leonard wasn’t looking at either of them.  He chose a little spot to stare at on the wall and made it his anchor.  Pavel watched him with apologetic eyes, but Ellie just shifted uncomfortably, like she couldn’t find a middle ground between guilt and defensive justification.  “Is he okay?” Leonard asked apathetically.

Pavel responded in voice soft.  “He broke a few ribs, but the doctors fixed them.  They’re holding him overnight for psychological evaluation.”  His voice dropped even softer.  “They suspect he’s suicidal.”

Leonard breathed a quiet sigh.  “Good.”

“Good?” Ellie asked, her eyes alight with disgust and fury.  She looked at Leonard as though he were a monster.  “Leonard, Amendment Fifty-Two is being enacted!”

Leonard bit his lip and concentrated on the wall.  He knew how horrible he sounded—a son gladly willing to sentence his father to death—he ought to hang his head in shame, but he was too exhausted to care.  He managed a weak, halfhearted smile.  “Good.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: I am finally on summer break, and that means updates will be coming again! Also, my writing style has definitely improved.

According to Amendment Fifty-Two, all persons have the natural right to choose whether they live or die. If it is in the citizen’s, or society’s, best interest to end a suicidal patient’s life, government healthcare is granted the right to provide a quick and humane end to the citizen’s life upon request.  Approval for Amendment Fifty-Two lasted three days, dividing the patient’s wellbeing into three separate tests: biological, psychological, and firmness of resolution.

Day one was committed to physical examinations and medical testing.  If the brain scans showed evidence of a depression or trauma, the patient’s claims were taken seriously.  These scans typically searched for abnormal patterns in brain activity, verifying and determining the severity of the patient’s psychosis. Then, scans would be used to look for potential causes of suicidal ideations, such as imbalances in biochemistry or neurological malformations. Blood tests on the first day also searched for abnormalities in vitamin, protein, and neurotransmitter levels.  If the patient’s desire to die were caused by fixable biochemistry, he was denied suicidal rights.  Shots would then be administered to normalize the patient’s blood chemistry, and their mood was expected to improve within weeks.  If no biological problems were causing the depression or desire to die, then the patient’s suicidal tendencies were attributed to external circumstances, and the patient was disqualified for Amendment Fifty-Two. Patients were forbidden government-aided suicide if there was any chance they could recover from their mental illness.

Day two consisted of a large panel of highly trained specialists, psychologists employed by the state to question suicidal patients and determine their necessity for suicide. If a patient’s depression seemed linked to changeable factors in their lives—relationship problems, insufficient self-esteem, financial troubles—then the patients were disqualified and prescribed therapy appropriate to their psychological needs. If the patient’s depression was due to unchangeable circumstances such as severe, permanent mental illness or terminal health problems the patients were passed on to the third day.

If the citizen showed no compelling physical or psychological reason for suicide after the first two days of testing, the citizen was sent home with proper medical care. Nearly ninety-two percent of citizens who wanted to kill themselves were disqualified for Amendment Fifty-Two assistance because their problems were caused by external, solvable factors. Patients with severe, untreatable maladies or mental illnesses were considered applicable for the third day of testing, though heavy preference was shown to patients who suffered both physical and mental distress.  An even stronger preference was shown to individuals who could not contribute to society or were at risk of hurting others.  Much to the McCoys’ dismay, David fell under all of these preferential categories.

 

While David was being evaluated, the McCoy family was held in stasis, fearing the verdict, whether positive or negative.  There was really on winning either way.  Refection from the Amendment’s right would mean David would have to return home, and his abuse would continue.  Acceptance would mean the death of the McCoy family’s father and pride, leaving Ellie and her boys to grieve.  During this process, the family was catatonic, stuck in the sickening limbo between two equally horrible possibilities.

 

Ellie didn’t speak to Leonard much after his breakdown.  Perhaps she just didn’t know what to say, but Leonard was fairly certain she was disgusted with his point of view.  With David out of the house, Ellie was beginning to drink less heavily, and she tried to busy herself with finding a job.  Still, when Leonard walked into the room, Ellie fell silent and averted her eyes. When he asked her questions, Ellie didn’t answer or walked away without acknowledgement.

“She’s punishing me,” Leonard said on the first day of his father’s testing.  “She’s punishing me for hoping they’ll kill him.”

“She’s just upset,” Pavel said quietly.  “She’s going through a lot, and she’s learning how to cope.  She doesn’t know how to feel right now.”  Pavel wished he knew how this would work out.  He didn’t want David to die, but he didn’t want to see Ellie and Leonard suffer any longer.  He wished he had asked Dr. McCoy about his family while they were working together on the _Enterprise_. Occasionally, the doctor would get drunk in the mess hall during Captain Kirk’s parties talk of his failed marriage and miserable love life, but he always shut up when Pavel came around. Dr. McCoy never said much about his parents except to say he’d somehow always disappointed them. Pavel found himself wishing he’d asked more about Dr. McCoy’s past, but the man always seemed too guarded and stern to yield.  Besides, the doctor always seemed to hate Pavel, ignoring the boy as frequently as he could and passing off his duties to a lower officer whenever Pavel was involved in a mission.

In Pavel’s thoughtful silence, Leonard had grown solemn, his brow casting a pensive shadow over his eyes as he hung his head.

“Come on,” Pavel said. “We need to get our minds off of this. Our anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks.  What do you say we celebrate early?”

Leonard sighed and shook his head. “I never can say no to you; not with an attitude like that.”

Pavel beamed. “If you said ‘no’ to me, I’d just have to change your mind anyway!”

Leonard agreed to celebrate their anniversary the next night.  Pavel’s excitement bubbled up inside him, as it had not done in quite a while, until he nearly jumped out of his seat in joy.  With a kiss on the cheek, Pavel ran off, his golden curls bouncing. His excitability reminded Leonard of their early days together.  Pavel had shown up in the McCoy’s garage roughly one year ago, and though Pavel was still a beacon of light in the McCoy household, so often it felt as though the boy were lost at sea.  With Pavel prancing around the house and grinning again, Leonard reminisced upon the feeling that everything would be all right so long as they were together. Leonard was so broken when Pavel found him, and Pavel somehow managed to teach him hope.  Now Leonard was broken again, but at least he still had this perfect boy to be his savior. 

With no money to spare, Leonard went to the garage to make his anniversary gift the next day. Their life-changing journey began in the garage, so it seemed a fitting place to make a token of their relationship.  Among David’s mess of unused supplies, Leonard found a long, thing strip of leather and several small metal disks caked with dirt and grime.  He set to work cleaning them off, soaking the leather in a solution and sanding the dirt and scratches from one of the disks.  On each side of the disk, Leonard etched their initials: “LAM” on one side and “PAC” on the other.  Then, he braided the leather strip into an eight-inch chord and riveted the polished disk to one end.  Leonard held the bracelet up and admired it.  Pavel always inspired him to make something beautiful out of something worn and tired.

When Leonard walked back into the kitchen, Pavel was smiling and humming to himself—a little upbeat Russian tune he grew up with that wouldn’t be written for years—and packing food into a basket.  The house smelled like a bakery.

“You haven’t eaten today. You don’t eat much at all lately. It’s bad for you.” Pavel added with a grin, “Besides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to make honey cake for a while now.”

The two boys set out in the evening, when the sun began hanging lazily in the summer sky and the sweltering July heat eased into the lower eighties.  Pavel inserted coordinates into the shuttle’s mainframe, and within ten minutes they were out of town, nearing their destination.  They arrived at a quiet little clearing to the west of the city, far enough away from civilization to pretend they could escape from the horrors of their past and present.  On this solitary bank along the Chattahoochee, veiled by a perimeter of trees, Leonard and Pavel sat together and ate honey cakes, absorbing the environment's serenity as they watched the river flow by.

“It doesn’t ever stop. Does it?” Leonard asked. “No matter what happens, it keeps moving forward.  The world could end and everyone could die, and this river would keep moving forward as if nothing happened.”

Pavel looked over the expanse of the water.  A bird swooped down and emerged from the water with a fish in its beak, hardly making a ripple in the steady flow.

“Nature doesn’t care about us,” Leonard continued.  “Time and space and nature and existence don’t give a damn about what we go through. We’re insignificant and powerless. They are gods in comparison, unfazed and unaffected by our suffering.”

Pavel gripped Leonard’s hand. “Everything moves forward. Even you and me.”

“There’s no going back.”

“No,” Pavel agreed. “That’s not how it works. I’m not so sure people are meant to go back in time.  It prevents us from moving forward.”

Leonard looked at the sky and blinked a few times.  “Thank you,” he said.

“It’s nothing.”

“I mean, thank you for everything.” Leonard pulled the leather bracelet from his pocket and tied it to Pavel’s wrist.  “I can’t image going through all of this without you.”

Pavel reached into his pocket and pulled out an uncut amethyst point, about two inches long and three quarters of an inch across, dangling from a black chord by its matrix.

“I bought this a while ago. I know it does not look like much.  It hasn’t been cleaned and faceted, but it’s still very pretty on the inside.”  Pavel turned it over in Leonard’s hands, revealing a carved out portion of the stone.  “See?  You can tell that it is layered.  On the outside it is worn and tired from sediment, but inside… inside it is beautiful and sparkles with light.”

Leonard smiled for the first time in ages. “It’s- it’s wonderful, Pavel.  It’s perfect.  Thank you.”

“I got it because it reminds me of you. Even if you get tired and worn out, you will always be beautiful inside.  I want you to keep it forever.  Can you promise me?”

“Of course.  Of course I will,” Leonard said.  “I promise.”

Pavel wrapped his arms around Leonard and held him tight.  “Good.  And I promise I will always wear mine,” he swore as he smiled quietly at his hand-woven bracelet.  “I will keep it forever.”

The bloody orange glow of sunlight sank beneath the trees and out of sight, until it was pushed down and smothered by the imposing darkness.  The boys stayed on the riverbank until morning, trying to hold time and space and nature and existence still and escape the chaos of home. However, the world still turned in spite of their efforts, and the boys were dragged along with it.


	16. Chapter 16

When morning came, Pavel and Leonard returned home.

Eleanora was waiting for them in the doorway.  Her eyes were bloodshot and sunken in, and her hair hung in tangled tresses at her shoulders. “Come on,” her voice cracked. “We’re going to be late.”

She used to be so beautiful.

Leonard got out of the shuttle and shoved past her to get into the house.

“You’re coming,” she said, “or you’re no son of mine.”

He paused for a moment and carried on, making his way to his bedroom.  Ellie looked over to Pavel blankly. 

“If he isn’t in the shuttle in five minutes, I’m leaving without him.”

Pavel nodded and went after Leonard, wrapping him in his arms.

“I know you don’t want to see your father, but you’ll regret not going.  Please come, Leo.”

 “He’s not my father.  Not anymore.”

“He was never my father, but I’m going because it’s the right thing to do.  I don’t want to leave without you.”

Leonard’s jaw clenched, then he shook his head and sighed.  “Fine. I’ll go for you, but not for anyone else.”

 

The air was stale, recirculated and purified dozens of times per day.  It was the same recycled air that hundreds of Amendment Fifty-Two patients had breathed in before breathing their last.  At regular intervals, the air vents in David’s room released a faint floral fragrance, sickeningly sweet and reminiscent of the floral wreaths that people bring to funerals.

Sunlight poured in through the glass ceiling, and the walls projected holograms based on the patient’s brainwaves.  The hope was that if a patient began to doubt their desire to die, the holograms would record that brain activity and project images that reinforced the patient’s desire to live.  Conversely, if a patient’s suicidal ideations were unfaltering, the walls would portray images that reinforced thoughts of suicide.  Sometimes the gruesome images would scare the patient out of their desire to die.  Other times, it only emphasized their desire.

When Ellie entered the room, followed by Leonard and Pavel, the walls and floor were covered with holograms of wildflowers. David sat smiling in the center of the floor, toying with the simulated flora.  When she saw him, Ellie gasped and let her eyes overflow with tears.

“David!” she cried, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around him.  Immediately, the room grew dark and ice cold.  The meadow’s blue sky was replaced with storm clouds, heavy, black, and writhing. Lightening shot from the ceiling in an angry, panicked burst and set fire to the wildflowers.  Ellie screamed, tugging on David’s hospital robe.   “David!  David, stop!”  Tears streamed down her face.  “David, it’s me! It’s your Ellie!”

Uncomprehendingly, David threw her away from him, and a small parade of specialists ushered Ellie and the boys out of the room.  In the hall, Leonard and Pavel watched Ellie think herself into denial.  She paced past them, tears streaking her face, and muttered tiny bits of flawed logic while the specialists sedated David.

“There were flowers,” she murmured. “Flowers are good. He looked peaceful. Didn’t he, Leonard? Didn’t he look peaceful?” She smiled and looked to Leonard for approval, but he returned her gaze without expression. She continued to wring her hands and pace, muttering optimistic analyses under her breath.

“Stop it, Mom,” Leonard said.

“They can’t kill him if he’s thinking about flowers.  The flowers mean he was happy.  He got a little scared at the end, but he was happy.  They can’t kill him if-”

“Mom, shut up!” Leonard shouted, clenching his fists.  A vein in his temple pulsed and looked as though it were going to burst.

Ellie’s eyes filled with tears again, and Pavel passed a nervous glance between Leonard and his mother. Before either party could think of something new to say, the specialists emerged from David’s room and brought the family into a room to read the results of their report.

“Due to the permanent physical and mental damage that the patient has suffered, we have decided to grant him Amendment Fifty-Two privileges,” said one of the specialists with an improper amount of apathy.  “Because he rarely comprehends his surroundings and is prone to violent fits of rage, he is unfit to participate as a functional member of society.  We have elected to aid his suicide promptly and humanely. He has already signed the papers consenting to the privilege.  If you cannot afford a funeral, the State will provide a cremation free of charge.”

The specialist continued speaking a long string of unsympathetic legal and medical jargon, but no one really listened anymore.  Leonard leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, the corners of his lips slightly upturned. Meanwhile, Ellie cried hysterically, slumped over as though she had collapsed in on herself. 

Pavel just sat in horror at the spiraling decimation of the McCoy family.

**Author's Note:**

> Advice and encouragement are welcome!


End file.
